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Old 06-27-2016, 08:11 PM   #1
Josh.0
 
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Crazy Neighbors

We need a crazy neighbors thread! We've all had them - either in the past or present - which means everyone has a good "crazy neighbor" story.

I've had a lot of crazy neighbors over the years, but none of which are more batshit-off-their-fucking-rocker-crazy than my current one.

To summarize:

She's a ~30 year old lawyer who, in all honesty, once proactively invited me out with her and her friends when I moved to Denver. Through that connection, I've gotten to know a lot of other people and, over time, have developed good friendships with them too.

Anyways, Batshit Crazy Neighbor, as I learned from these friends, is apparently a little possessive and obsessed with guys she likes and I learned from her friends that she really likes me. Batshit Crazy Neighbor is not overly attractive (though she thinks she is), is a lawyer that's obsessed with her job, and is the complete polar opposite of me personality-wise (she's very Type A). In other words, I have zero interest in her, BUT, I'm always very nice to her.

Fast forward to last week. She randomly starts getting in my face while everyone is out at a bar together about how I shouldn't be hanging out with "her" friends that she introduced me to "without her." I told her that's ridiculous because we always hang out in groups so everyone is always invited, and next thing I know she's bombarding me with texts and bombarding the mutual friends with texts about how it's fucked up that I hang out with them sometimes without her.

What everyone tells her (in response to her crazy texts) is that we're not trying to exclude her, which is the truth; sometimes different people just get together on a whim. That's all it is. Despite us explaining ourselves (even though we shouldn't have to), she keeps acting like I can't hang out with her friends unless she's there. She's literally trying to control the relationships I build which is crazy because we're nothing more than neighbors. These "friends," by the way, have flat out told me they like my company much more than hers because as you can see by now she's a total psycho bitch.

Admittedly, in the last week we've been posting a lot of pictures of all of us together just to show her that she can't direct how people lives their lives. Rather than her stepping back and realizing that we're trying to point out how silly she's being, it just made her more upset, and now she's sworn off hanging out with any of us.

So yeah, that's my Batshit Crazy (and high drama) Neighbor. Anyone else have any fun stories?
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:18 PM   #2
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You're still gonna fuck her though, right?
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:19 PM   #3
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I'd rather swallow a bag of hair. I'd never shake her if that happened. Stage 5er all the way.

Plus, my hands are currently way too full in that area right now. Fucking Colorado is no joke.
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:27 PM   #4
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Me and my fiancé currently rent a condo, and we're luckily pretty isolated to the neighbors. However the couple that lives next to us is complete white trash. Neither of them work, he guy drives a comically jacked up pickup truck and is always just sitting out front washing it or his shitty motorcycle. They also are covered in awful tattoos and have that generally worn down as fuck look. They have an obnoxious motion sensor light with a sign that says "Smile You're on Camera" on their front door. They also get in hilarious drunken blowouts that we can hear from our deck. I don't have to ever deal with them and their impact on my life is minimal but I can't stand them.

We got a shipment of Blue Apron delivered a couple months ago while we were working at home, we saw the FedEx guy come and didn't immediately go grab it. 45 mins later we went to bring it in and low and behold it was missing. We asked them if they saw it and they played dumb. Then like 2 hours later the wife comes to our door with the package claiming they found it at one of our other neighbors. Which makes absolutely zero sense

So in short these people really suck. And PS the guy's name is George and when we met him he said to call him G-Spot. So there's that
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Last edited by mja271; 06-28-2016 at 09:11 AM.
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Old 06-27-2016, 08:35 PM   #5
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Dude. I NEED to meet those people during Mohegan weekend. Let's start playing beer pong outside...as long as we're drinking High Life they'll come outside
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Old 06-27-2016, 10:03 PM   #6
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Right now I have great neighbors. Maybe that's because I'm the crazy one. Essentially just white potheads with dreadlocks and middle aged folk.
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:30 PM   #7
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A little drama going down across my cove. An older lady, her adult son, and her grandson (18 year old kid), who is "just visiting", moved in about a week ago. Some how they've got like four cars between all three of them and are constantly taking up what little space we have in our cove. Minor complaint. I addressed the parking issue with the older lady. Handled it like adults. Problem solved.

Couple of nights ago I was just getting off duty and pulled into my parking spot. I noticed the 18 year old was on the apartment stairs, casually smoking a Black and Mild with two other teens. This was about two in the morning. They weren't loud. No sweat. Now, most of you all know i'm a police officer for the city of Memphis. I leave all my gear in my locker at the precinct and simply wear my duty weapon on my hip to and from work. I approached them and casually start a brief conversation to get a feel for them, the 18 year old mostly. He's especially quiet and appears almost scared. His other two friends were real talkative and were asking all sorts of police employment questions. Tell them to have a good night and I take it on into my apartment.

So yesterday I'm running the vacuum cleaner in my apartment. My girlfriend is outside smoking. She opens the door and shouts to get my attention. I walk up to her as she's saying "they're fighting upstairs. Someone just broke a window!" I tell her to calm down and go inside. I see this dude walking down the apartment stairs across the cove. Evidently he drove all the way from downtown and was promised gas money from the 18 year old. When "window smasher" confronted the father about it a door was slammed in his face. Shortly after he breaks their living room window.
"window smasher" gets in the car he drove in and speeds away. My next door neighbor was quick to snap a picture of the license plate, thankfully. I run across the cove to make sure no one's hurt. While i'm doing that i'm on the phone with our dispatch, giving all the suspect and vehicle information. I then call our courtesy officer who also works for MPD.

A police officer arrives and we run the vehicle tag and find the owner. Oddly enough, the same gray SUV "window smasher" was driving matches a description for one possibly responsible for a lot of theft from vehicles. When the dust settles I asked the reporting officer for his thoughts on the 18 year old. He said he was hesitant to even help and appeared to want no part in police help.

I doubt they stay here through the summer.
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:37 PM   #8
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:44 PM   #9
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No telling. Not a good look when you're not even here a week and already under a microscope.
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Old 06-29-2016, 08:13 AM   #10
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I have always kept my neighbors at arm's length on purpose...something about people being that close to where I live and the access involved doesn't mix for me. I have heard/hear horror stories from my buddy all the time about his neighbors (chronicled in the "Family" thread somewhere) and it only strengthens my position even further. That's not to say I'm not cordial to them, cuz I am (and the older guy attached to my townhome unit is extremely nice), but as far as inviting them in and going out with them, etc. no way.
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Old 06-29-2016, 08:39 AM   #11
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It's a good thing you're an officer, Torres. It totally flips that whole situation. An average citizen would probably be frightened of these people. Maybe even too frightened to call the police. So, I bet everyone is happy to have you there

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I have always kept my neighbors at arm's length on purpose...something about people being that close to where I live and the access involved doesn't mix for me. I have heard/hear horror stories from my buddy all the time about his neighbors (chronicled in the "Family" thread somewhere) and it only strengthens my position even further. That's not to say I'm not cordial to them, cuz I am (and the older guy attached to my townhome unit is extremely nice), but as far as inviting them in and going out with them, etc. no way.
Yup. I am pretty anti social as it is. One set of current neighbors have a son around my oldest daughter's age. So, they're around a lot. The kid is really cool and a good house guest so I don't mind. But still, I like to be left to my own devices. My philosophy while walking around with the kids / into my house is just to be super nice to everyone but always keep moving. Fences make the best neighbors.

One of my best friends lives a few blocks away and his house is legitimately a revolving door. Kids and adults just flowing through, non stop. Their whole street is like a commune. It makes me claustrophobic.
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Old 06-29-2016, 08:53 AM   #12
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One of my best friends lives a few blocks away and his house is legitimately a revolving door. Kids and adults just flowing through, non stop. Their whole street is like a commune. It makes me claustrophobic.
This is EXACTLY how my buddy's house is and I don't understand how they live like that. Not to mention the fact that his wife doesn't work and has plenty of time to get involved with the neighborhood gossip which in turn starts all kinds of shit on a seemingly monthly basis. Ugh, no thanks.
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Old 06-29-2016, 08:56 AM   #13
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We moved into our house in May, 2015. From all accounts, the people that lived in our house before us were the "problem" in the neighborhood. House was built in 1993 and the older couple who owned it moved to Florida and left it to their drugbag daughter and her boyfriend, who destroyed it and lost it....we still get random notices from the sherriff's office, etc, for warrants on the woman. We bought it from a contractor who bought it on the cheap as a forclosure and renovated and flipped it.

We really lucked out. Our neighbors:

-a widow who spends lots of time either gardening or in DC with her daughter/granddaughter
-a family of 4, husband/wife are in their 50's, husband a social worker at the local VA Hospital and the wife's a bank loan officer. Kids are in their 20's, they keep to themselves.
-a young couple with a toddler
-two asian families who don't speak much english and suck at cutting their grass

I'll take it!
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Old 06-29-2016, 10:18 AM   #14
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The older I get, the more I appreciate older neighbors.
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Old 06-29-2016, 06:45 PM   #15
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my neighbors are all old an boring. When I was 20-23 I lived in an apartment across from a bar in a small town. It was great. My neighbors were such a mix bag of people. I had a stripper underneath me, who wasn't anything amazing. A dirtbag couple who would always fight. A older hippie who would make me "food" and stick it in my breezeway to my apartment. Had a good looking older lady who wanted to do me, but I was seeing someone at the time, and the other apartment I never met the guy in the 3 years I was there.

I will say its nice having older neighbors. Pretty quit and I never get bothered.
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Old 06-29-2016, 07:16 PM   #16
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my neighbors are all old an boring.
the best kind of neighbors

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When I was 20-23 I lived in an apartment across from a bar in a small town. It was great. My neighbors were such a mix bag of people. I had a stripper underneath me, who wasn't anything amazing. A dirtbag couple who would always fight. A older hippie who would make me "food" and stick it in my breezeway to my apartment. Had a good looking older lady who wanted to do me, but I was seeing someone at the time, and the other apartment I never met the guy in the 3 years I was there.
but this all sounds like the premise of a TV show I'd be willing to watch
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Old 06-30-2016, 11:11 AM   #17
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I had an upstairs neighbor once that would just scream randomly. Not at her boyfriend or anyone in particular. She would just open her window and scream at people walking down the street. Someones out of anger, sometimes just screaming at people to buy her beer.

Also she was so loud when she had sex that I had to buy ear plugs.

She finally got evicted because she got fired from her job at Ryan's Steakhouse for showing up drunk.
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Old 06-30-2016, 02:18 PM   #18
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I have lived next to some bat shit crazy people over the years. I occasionally wonder what they could possibly be up to. Like, it was hard to believe some of them could continue to function in the wild.

My second to last one was this girl who lived down stairs from my buddy (who I mentioned above that has the revolving door) and I. When we moved in she was telling us we had to let her know if she was being loud because she was a jazz musician and played music at all hours. Whenever inspiration struck. She also clearly wanted to bang my buddy. Like two days later she asked if we could help her move her 'piano.' Her piano was like 1982 casio keyboard. Thing was duct taped and everything. However, the most disturbing part was her apartment. There was not a single surface not covered with something. Clothes everywhere. Dishes unwashed for what must have been months. Not a horder, just a massive slob. She didn't even give us an 'oh, excuse the mess.' Oddly she was pretty solid looking. Late twenties. She kept trying to seduce my roomate until he basically just told her under no uncertain terms it wasn't happening. THEN she proceeded to call the land lord on us constantly. Complaining how loud we were. He finally paid us a visit and we said we were doing everything we could to be quiet. Then I casually said, 'well, we're going on phish tour for a couple of weeks, so you can be damn sure it'll be quiet until we get back.' Amazingly she called like 12 times while we were gone. Our apartment was perfectly clean when we left, and I had given him permission to go in because they were showing the building. He said, 'I kept going in to make sure your friends weren't partying or something. But, no way. Everything was still spotless. She is just an insane person. And frankly I'm affraid of her now.' The worst part is after we lived there for awhile it became clear she had like 3 kids with different dudes (none lived with her) and she would still bring guys home ALL the time. This was a good example of how powerful sex with an attractive girl is to dudes. They all overlooked the dumpster fire she lived in and what type of person must be okay living like that. And clearly had no problem forgoing protection. She had the kids very rarely, but I still wonder what happened to them. They really had zero chance dealt from a deck like that. Never did hear her play that piano.
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Old 06-30-2016, 03:10 PM   #19
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I grew up on a very close knit street and it was great as a kid. I am friendly to my neighbors, but don't have any relationships with them beyond saying hello and exchanging short, polite conversation. Works well and I like it.
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Old 06-30-2016, 03:39 PM   #20
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I have lived next to some bat shit crazy people over the years. I occasionally wonder what they could possibly be up to. Like, it was hard to believe some of them could continue to function in the wild.

My second to last one was this girl who lived down stairs from my buddy (who I mentioned above that has the revolving door) and I. When we moved in she was telling us we had to let her know if she was being loud because she was a jazz musician and played music at all hours. Whenever inspiration struck. She also clearly wanted to bang my buddy. Like two days later she asked if we could help her move her 'piano.' Her piano was like 1982 casio keyboard. Thing was duct taped and everything. However, the most disturbing part was her apartment. There was not a single surface not covered with something. Clothes everywhere. Dishes unwashed for what must have been months. Not a horder, just a massive slob. She didn't even give us an 'oh, excuse the mess.' Oddly she was pretty solid looking. Late twenties. She kept trying to seduce my roomate until he basically just told her under no uncertain terms it wasn't happening. THEN she proceeded to call the land lord on us constantly. Complaining how loud we were. He finally paid us a visit and we said we were doing everything we could to be quiet. Then I casually said, 'well, we're going on phish tour for a couple of weeks, so you can be damn sure it'll be quiet until we get back.' Amazingly she called like 12 times while we were gone. Our apartment was perfectly clean when we left, and I had given him permission to go in because they were showing the building. He said, 'I kept going in to make sure your friends weren't partying or something. But, no way. Everything was still spotless. She is just an insane person. And frankly I'm affraid of her now.' The worst part is after we lived there for awhile it became clear she had like 3 kids with different dudes (none lived with her) and she would still bring guys home ALL the time. This was a good example of how powerful sex with an attractive girl is to dudes. They all overlooked the dumpster fire she lived in and what type of person must be okay living like that. And clearly had no problem forgoing protection. She had the kids very rarely, but I still wonder what happened to them. They really had zero chance dealt from a deck like that. Never did hear her play that piano.
Is this her?

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