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Old 03-27-2014, 08:58 AM   #19621
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It's important to have time inbetween relationships for sure, otherwise that becomes your identity. I was with a girl for 2 years from 2010-2012, and it was good for a while but then grew tiresome (long distance for the last few months), and I just needed a break. Had an awesome time being single for a year, and now I've been with a new girl for the last year and it's much better because I took my time, did my thing, found out what's important to me and didn't rush into anything. Luckily she's cool and doesn't hassle me for doing the things I like to do. We go to a ton of concerts together, watch TV shows and movies that I like, and go off and party with our own friends when we need some space. It's a pretty great situation.
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Old 03-27-2014, 09:35 AM   #19622
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It's important to have time inbetween relationships for sure, otherwise that becomes your identity. I was with a girl for 2 years from 2010-2012, and it was good for a while but then grew tiresome (long distance for the last few months), and I just needed a break. Had an awesome time being single for a year, and now I've been with a new girl for the last year and it's much better because I took my time, did my thing, found out what's important to me and didn't rush into anything. Luckily she's cool and doesn't hassle me for doing the things I like to do. We go to a ton of concerts together, watch TV shows and movies that I like, and go off and party with our own friends when we need some space. It's a pretty great situation.
That's pretty much what I'm looking for, but that's hard to find.

I don't miss the days of "do you really need to watch ANOTHER game?" or "We're going on a diet, no more pizza and wings."

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Old 03-27-2014, 10:44 AM   #19623
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I hear you man, it's really hard to find. I feel extremely lucky. Obviously not everything is perfect, but when they understand what makes you happy and are willing to let you do those things and sometimes share in them with you, it's a wonderful thing.
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Paul Bearer was Kane's father, but not Undertaker's. Taker killed his parents in a funeral home fire, but Bearer knocked up Undertaker's mom with Kane.
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Old 03-27-2014, 11:04 AM   #19624
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Im pretty happy with my woman right now. Both young and into the same things. Got about 14 months in and finally started fighting, which was a relief; I cant be with someone I cant argue with or wont call me on my shit - I need that. And we're really respectful and amicable about the make-up apologies now, too. Shit gets really real but after we calm down and actually think about shit we can normally find a way to see each other's stance. A few other things Im worried about/want to know before I ever think about moving in or proposing, but im young and having a good time. A huge improvement from my last girlfriend, and I really loved that girl.

Just gotta keep cutting back my drinking and things will get clearer and clearer - Im not bringing that shit into a serious relationship.
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Old 03-27-2014, 12:54 PM   #19625
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I hear you man, it's really hard to find. I feel extremely lucky. Obviously not everything is perfect, but when they understand what makes you happy and are willing to let you do those things and sometimes share in them with you, it's a wonderful thing.
Always need to find a way to strike a balance. That's the key.
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:14 PM   #19626
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Just to put things into perspective, I've been there too....but man....

My current relationship>FREEDOM, FTW!>my bad relationships
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:20 PM   #19627
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gotta keep cutting back my drinking and things will get clearer and clearer - Im not bringing that shit into a serious relationship.

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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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You guys are sick.
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:28 PM   #19628
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Let me put my last "relationship" a little more into perspective. Just an example of why you have to be so careful about who you start to settle down with.

She didn't want cable. When we first moved in together, I was fine with that for a year. I told her I could manage to watch football and baseball some other way. I found out that what ended up really happening was I never got to watch football or baseball anymore, which are two of my favorite things to do. Instead, the majority of my weekends were spent at her parents' house, which was about two hours away.

Once the second year rolled around, I said I'd like to get a cheap cable package (we both make decent money) so I could watch the Patriots and Red Sox again. I pointed out that I was a late-20's male living in the Boston area who grew up playing and watching sports, so I shouldn't feel like I have to miss out on one of my favorite pastimes if I make enough money to afford indulging in it.

Her response? "If you pay for it, then fine."

My response: "Well, ok. I figured we would split it because you'll probably be using it, but if you're not going to use it then I'll foot the whole bill, no big deal."

Her: "Well, if we have it, I'm probably going to watch it. I would watch Food Network or HGTV sometimes."

Me: "So you want me to pay for the whole thing because you 'don't want it,' but now you're saying by having it, you will indeed watch it? But you don't want to have to pay for it?"

Her: "Yeah, if it's up to me, I don't want it, so I shouldn't pay for it. But if you get it I'm going to want to watch it sometimes."

Me: "You realize how manipulative that is, right? I don't always want to drive 2 hours to visit your parents two or three times a month, but I do it and I also pay for the gas both ways without asking for a dime. Do you even realize how selfish you're being? How is this a quote-un-quote 'relationship' if you can't fairly compromise on something like cable?"

Her: "WHATEVER, THEN I WON'T WATCH IT."

^---think I saw much of that behavior the first 6 or so months? Nope! It was all honeymoon, all the time. But after about a year her true dark side started to creep out. This is one example of about 1,000 similar ones where I realized I could be so much happier without a woman. She was so selfish and manipulative that when I got out of the relationship and looked back on it, I felt like such an idiot for believing in her "approach" toward things and really altering so many things about myself to accommodate her.

If you're 100% in lockstep, or at least very close, with the person you're with...then great. But otherwise, don't fool yourself. Don't change anything about yourself if you're happy with the person you already are. Don't let a woman (or a man, if you're seeing this from the other side) make you think there are things about you that are wrong or can be improved, if you know deep down that you're fine just the way you are. If you feel like you want to change, only do it for yourself. Doing it for anyone else guarantees no return on the sacrifice you've made.
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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:39 PM   #19629
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I told my lady Im not willing to move in with her until after two years to avoid just that. I want to get to know her roommates and her attitude toward finances and domestic life before I even consider that shit. My family knows divorce better than their own hands and Im not in a hurry to fuck myself over at all

I guess one of my complaints about her so far is her finances. She's getting better as I show her basic savings, but I mean, the girl is 22, head in the clouds, stoned, supplemented by her parents, and just enjoying her youth. Who am I to steal that or poke my nose in?

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Old 03-27-2014, 01:40 PM   #19630
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and thus relationships are on hold for me for a while
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:53 PM   #19631
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Last night, I walked up to a bar and had a few with my friends while my wife went to bed. Tonight she's going out to watch the UD/Stanford game with a couple UD-alum friends -- I'm stopping for a 12er of Coors Banquet and a Chipotle and grabbing Thor 2 on redbox.

Married life ain't bad if you find the right woman.
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Old 03-27-2014, 01:56 PM   #19632
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Last night, I walked up to a bar and had a few with my friends while my wife went to bed. Tonight she's going out to watch the UD/Stanford game with a couple UD-alum friends -- I'm stopping for a 12er of Coors Banquet and a Chipotle and grabbing Thor 2 on redbox. Married life ain't bad if you find the right woman.
That's what I keep thinking. My poor dad is always lookin for a fixer-upper; what an awful road to expect fresh pavement upon.
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:01 PM   #19633
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Just for kicks, let me give you one more example of the terror that was my ex.

Our first Christmas together, I was hellbent on "sending a message" to her to let her know how much she means to me. Stupidly, I thought, "expensive" jewelry. She liked some of the finer things when it came to her accessories, so I thought "she's never owned anything Tiffany's, so how cool would it be for her to get the 'blue box' on Christmas?" Again, my mindset was always all about HER. How could I blow HER mind.

So I spent about $600 on a Tiffanys bracelet. Then another $80 on a customized flask, because she had lost a previous one that had been given to her so I thought it would be a thoughtful secondary gift. Then I spent another $200 on this hand-made bracelet I saw her fawning over in some art gallery/jewelry shop we visited one time in the Back Bay of Boston.

So, probably like $900. Not that I'm counting, it's just to point out that money was no object to me as long as I felt like I was giving her thoughtful, meaningful gifts on our first Christmas together. I wanted to show her how much I think about her and how important it is to me to see a smile on her face.

So Christmas rolls around. She opens all of her gifts, seems sort of excited about them, and hands me my gifts.

Gift #1: A duffel bag. "We go to my parents' house often and I always see you packing luggage so I figured a smaller bag that's a little easier to carry would be more practical."

Gift #2: A clothes steamer wand thing. "I noticed sometimes your clothes are wrinkled when you pack so it I figured an easy-to-pack de-wrinkler would also be an awesome practical gift."

Gift #3: She pulled a trick this time! "Open your duffel bag!" she emphatically says. I'm thinking, "Shit! Red Sox tickets?! A nice bottle of beer she knows I like? Maybe a gift certificate to one of the nice restaurants in town she knows I like?"

I get really excited, quickly unzip the bag and reach into it and pull out...a neck pillow. You know, the ones people use on airplanes. The ones sold at TJ Maxx because no other store in the year 2012 (at the time) carries them in stock because they don't sell.

"Sometimes you travel for work, so I thought this would help you sleep on the plane! Or if you don't want to drive back from trips to my parents' house and you want to nap, I can take over driving and you can relax for a while!"

That's when I realized that if I stood with this girl, my life was over. I was sentenced to a lifetime of boring neckties, sweaters, and pajamas for Christmas and birthdays for the rest of my life. Not that she needed to spend hundreds of dollars on me...I couldn't give a shit less about that. I just wanted ONE goddamn gift that showed me she paid attention to ANYTHING I loved in life. Yet, all that I could think of as I opened everything was how she knew nothing about what I liked and probably didn't really care. Meanwhile, I'm killing myself for months thinking about how to hit it out of the park for her on Christmas. , lady,

Don't even get me started on how she made me buy her pass to a beerfest I asked to go to for my 29th birthday, because as she put it, "I don't drink beer so I really don't want to have to pay $40 to go to a beer fest."
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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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I cant wait for him to google that
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You guys are sick.
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:08 PM   #19634
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Just out of curiosity, did she make a decent amount of money at her job?
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:09 PM   #19635
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Yeah I hear you, Josh. I spent way more on Christmas this year than she did on me, but I know what she makes and she's a student. And a few of them were pretty thoughtful for a woman ona budget. Like I said, she's still in the college phase, so no big deal. But when she finds a real job, I've made it pretty clear that I won't be sugardaddy forever
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:16 PM   #19636
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Also, I am not really the kind of dude who wants anything for Christmas; I think it's a childish capitalist scam and would be just as happy to split a bottle of fine wine and relax with her/family. I dont need much and want for little. I hate spending money; lately it's been more fun to watch my cushion grow and grow. But I get that women like to get thoughtful things. I'd be just as happy for my birthday if she did something thoughtful rather than spend a lot of money. My first birthday that we spent together was wonderful - she invited me to an intimate family activity/tradition and showed me an important part of her life, made me delicious food, and started our wonderful sexy tradition, which she's been quite diligent in keeping up with (so far).
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:24 PM   #19637
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Just out of curiosity, did she make a decent amount of money at her job?
$70K with a company car, gas paid, cell phone paid, no loans. Her only expense was a like $100/mo student loan, rent, and utilities.

But guys, I think you're missing the point. I wouldn't care if she spent $10 on me. She could have bought me a $6 bottle of a beer she always heard me talking about and I would have known that she:

A) Listens to what I'm passionate about
and
B) Puts thought into what should have been a really special night for both of us
and
C) Wants to do something to really surprise me

The point was she put no thought into what I like in life, whereas I was KILLING myself over making sure I got it right when it came to her. It was obvious she went to TJ Maxx and thought, "How can I cross him off the list?" where I was muddlng around malls, websites, and shops for months making sure I did my best to make that first Christmas memorable. In retrospect, I feel I went overboard, but in no way was I expecting her to match that or do anything like that. I wanted to go overboard to sort of make a statement. All I wanted was to see her do something that she wanted to do for me.
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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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I cant wait for him to google that
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You guys are sick.
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:29 PM   #19638
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Yeah man, she sounds like a few girls I've dated in the past. Took me a while to find the right one. That said, this one roadtrips with me to Chipotle on the weekends, is a huge Phillies fan (yeah, I know, me as a Marlins fan, that goes well) and loves watching baseball and hockey and going to games, etc; isn't above a night at the bar with friends but also loves just chilling on the couch all weekend and ordering takeout. AND she splits the cable bill! (WWE Network, however, is all me, haha)

They're not all good, but they're certainly not all bad!
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:41 PM   #19639
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I told my lady Im not willing to move in with her until after two years to avoid just that. I want to get to know her roommates and her attitude toward finances and domestic life before I even consider that shit. My family knows divorce better than their own hands and Im not in a hurry to fuck myself over at all

I guess one of my complaints about her so far is her finances. She's getting better as I show her basic savings, but I mean, the girl is 22, head in the clouds, stoned, supplemented by her parents, and just enjoying her youth. Who am I to steal that or poke my nose in?



What do you mean?
You're approaching it all the right way. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT move in unless you're 100% excited and on board with it. DO NOT do it because you FEEL like you should. Only do it if you're thoroughly excited about it. Take it from me, I've made that mistake twice.

The blowing my head off thing was in response to you suggesting you need to change your drinking habits for a relationship. If you enjoy it and you're not a full blown alcoholic, don't change anything about yourself for a relationship. If the relationship isn't organic, it's toxic, and toxic relationships are never lived happily and they never last. If there's one piece of advice I can give anyone based off of my personal failures, it's to never change yourself for anything. Nothing in the world is worth you changing who you are and what you want to get out of your limited time on this little blue ball. It's OK to make small sacrifices, but to change what makes you...YOU...is something no one should ever consider.

Someone will eventually find you and like you for exactly what you are, and at that point you make the move to be with that person. But even if that never happens, at least you'll die one day knowing you lived life exactly the way you wanted to live it all along and that you made the most out of your one shot before you permanently turn out the lights.

I know I sound like a hippie, but it's just my view on how we should be living. I've robbed myself of enough time and already regret that, so I've sworn to never do it again.
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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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You know what else it stands for though, right?
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I cant wait for him to google that
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You guys are sick.
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Old 03-27-2014, 02:51 PM   #19640
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You're approaching it all the right way. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT move in unless you're 100% excited and on board with it. DO NOT do it because you FEEL like you should. Only do it if you're thoroughly excited about it. Take it from me, I've made that mistake twice. The blowing my head off thing was in response to you suggesting you need to change your drinking habits for a relationship. If you enjoy it and you're not a full blown alcoholic, don't change anything about yourself for a relationship. If the relationship isn't organic, it's toxic, and toxic relationships are never lived happily and they never last. If there's one piece of advice I can give anyone based off of my personal failures, it's to never change yourself for anything. Nothing in the world is worth you changing who you are and what you want to get out of your limited time on this little blue ball. It's OK to make small sacrifices, but to change what makes you...YOU...is something no one should ever consider. Someone will eventually find you and like you for exactly what you are, and at that point you make the move to be with that person. But even if that never happens, at least you'll die one day knowing you lived life exactly the way you wanted to live it all along and that you made the most out of your one shot before your permanently turn out the lights. I know I sound like a hippie, but it's just my view on how we should be living. I've robbed myself of enough time and already regret that, so I've sworn to never do it again.
I love to drink, but probably too much. It's gotten me in trouble both in the eyes of the court and my personal relationships; I am working to make sure this doesnt affect a marriage/job/kids. Im not changing to be a chameleon, it needs to be done. That said, I cant imagine going the rest of my life without a beer or two. As we speak, Im having a seasonal, and it's delicious.

So far the things Ive had to change for this woman have been life changes that needed to happen anyhow. Oh, the post-college cleanup
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