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Old 11-05-2015, 11:27 PM   #41
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Good stuff, Tamby. I've been meditating on a regular basis for about 9 months now. Different technique (mantra), but what you say in the bold is so key-- for both feelings as you said, and also thoughts. I used to get too involved with every thought that passed through my mind, thinking I always had to work through them all in some way, and ended up ruminating a lot, telling myself some things over and over, and getting lost in my head. My wife and kids noticed. Meditation has really helped. Just like you said, the right approach (in meditation and everyday life) is to just observe your thoughts with a detached indifference, without getting involved with them, and staying present. Same with emotions/body sensations like you said, rather than identifying with it, be the observer of it. Meditation really has improved my calmness, my presence, my sleep, etc. Glad to see you've had a good experience with it as well
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Old 11-09-2015, 11:37 PM   #42
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Good stuff, Tamby. I've been meditating on a regular basis for about 9 months now. Different technique (mantra), but what you say in the bold is so key-- for both feelings as you said, and also thoughts. I used to get too involved with every thought that passed through my mind, thinking I always had to work through them all in some way, and ended up ruminating a lot, telling myself some things over and over, and getting lost in my head. My wife and kids noticed. Meditation has really helped. Just like you said, the right approach (in meditation and everyday life) is to just observe your thoughts with a detached indifference, without getting involved with them, and staying present. Same with emotions/body sensations like you said, rather than identifying with it, be the observer of it. Meditation really has improved my calmness, my presence, my sleep, etc. Glad to see you've had a good experience with it as well
If I don't meditate in the morning and on my way home from work, I'm completely erratic and impulsive. Might decide to run 20k, eat a box of donuts, or throw my shoe at someone. You never know. The meditation allows me to become centered, make responsible decisions, and accept life on life's terms.
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Old 11-10-2015, 05:10 AM   #43
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Hang in there guys. As much as we bicker, I still feel like we're our own little family here. I'm sure most, if not all of us would have each other's back if needed.

I respect the openness in this thread. I don't know a lot of people who are willing to admit their faults and communicate their issues maturely like a lot of you are doing.
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Old 11-19-2015, 03:49 PM   #44
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Hi everyone. I know that I kind of disappeared from TDC for a little while (and from this thread for 9 months) and only made some posts here and there. I figured that I would provide an update as to where I currently am now.

Since making my last post in this thread, I ended up losing my job in February, but only to find an even better job in August. It's within the same industry (pharmaceutical), but the company treats its employees a lot better than my prior company did.

Regarding the OCD/Depression/Anxiety issue, it's an issue that I'm still battling, but I'm made some significant improvements these past few months. I cut down on self-medication, found a new doctor (as my prior one wasn't helping so much), started taking an anti-depressent, signed up for a help group, and began exposure therapy techniques to help me with my bad germaphobia/OCD issue. It's a day-by-day process, but I think I'm coming along. Yes, there are some days where I feel depressed occasionally or experience anxiety, but they are a lot less frequent then they used to be.

I must say that I wouldn't have been able to go through this whole process without the help of my amazing girlfriend and you guys here on TDC. She has been with me every step of the way. I know that I made some of her days tough and I know that I stressed her out at times, but she stayed with me through everything and continues to help me get through this all. You guys also gave me great advice and I took it very seriously and listened. I really appreciate everyone's help with this. It means a lot.

While, I am not yet completely cured (if I ever will be), I can say that I am feeling a lot better lately. I'm even going to propose to my girlfriend this Sunday because I truly believe that we can make it through this.
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Old 11-19-2015, 04:08 PM   #45
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Great to hear. Sounds like you're in a very good headspace and taking the right steps.
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Old 11-19-2015, 08:28 PM   #46
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Glad to hear you're doing better, Malakas. Good luck with the proposal. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 11-20-2015, 02:13 AM   #47
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Good stuff, man. What those guys said!
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Old 11-25-2015, 04:04 PM   #48
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She said yes
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Old 11-25-2015, 04:33 PM   #49
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She said yes
Right on! I wish you and your fiancé all the best.
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Old 11-25-2015, 05:27 PM   #50
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Hey congrats man! That's gotta be a great feeling
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:42 PM   #51
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She said yes
Congrats
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:28 PM   #52
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Congrats!
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The band is just jerking off on our faces right now...and I am proud to be a dirty whore.
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Old 11-26-2015, 03:34 PM   #53
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Congrats MaLaKaS!
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Old 11-26-2015, 03:48 PM   #54
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Over the past couple of weeks, I have really realized that I am an alcoholic. My relationship with alcohol has always been very dark. I've never been able to use it in a healthy way. My brain is very distorted and good at hiding this, though, because whenever I drink with friends/family, it REALLY enables me because I don't abuse as MUCH when I'm around them. Even though I'm usually outdrinking everyone and sometimes even sneaking more in when I can... all it does is fool me into thinking that there are NO consequences and that I CAN keep doing this over and over.

But when I drink by myself, it gets so much incredibly darker. I've drank everywhere, in any situation, and have always still been able to function. And I hide it so incredibly well when I drink by myself. All I ever want to do is reach that incredible state of feeling wasted. It's almost like a sacred feeling for me. I got so used to feeling it 3, 4, 5, or 6 times per week. I can't even estimate the amount of times I've drank myself to the point of throwing up. Way too many too count.

And I never thought there would be any consequences. All my mind wants is that fantasy-like sensation again, where all of my depression and anxiety floats away for a few hours. I started drinking again in August/September and it was darker than ever, I could really tell that it was going down a path that was worse than ever before.

now I KNOW that I have a problem. Quit date was October 7th and I've really been able to keep it up. But it is very stressful, especially when dealing with depression and anxiety. All my mind wants is that escape again. I constantly feel like I just need a break, and alcohol has always been that soothing escape for me. I feel lucky enough to have identified my problem before it got even worse.

Happy Thanksgiving
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Old 11-26-2015, 04:14 PM   #55
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Stick with your sobriety, Sean. You just described me exactly. My dry date is Aug 27. First month sucked a lot. I still miss it a lot, especially on days like today when everyone is drinking, but it's gotten a lot better since that first month. I feel better, have more energy, more money, confidence, and generally just enjoy life better than even a few months ago. It's not easy, but I know this is what I need.

My step brother is doing 2 years right now for driving drunk while having a revoked license. At our sister's wedding last summer he foreshadowed his own life, telling me "I'm for sure going to jail. I can't stop." I've been thinking a lot about him this month and my own problem and just thanking my lucky stars I stopped before following that road all the way down.

I really really miss beer at times. But not as much as I'd miss freedom. In a way, I feel a hell of a lot more free than I did earlier this year.
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Old 11-27-2015, 11:19 PM   #56
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Thanks everyone for the kind wishes. I really appreciate it

Sean and Jayes, hang in there guys. I know that what you guys are going through is incredibly difficult and I give you both a lot of credit. I was self-medicating as well for a while and it made me feel so good temporarily, but sucked in the long-run. Temptation is easy, but resisting it makes you stronger.
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Old 12-02-2015, 08:58 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sean52692 View Post
Over the past couple of weeks, I have really realized that I am an alcoholic. My relationship with alcohol has always been very dark. I've never been able to use it in a healthy way. My brain is very distorted and good at hiding this, though, because whenever I drink with friends/family, it REALLY enables me because I don't abuse as MUCH when I'm around them. Even though I'm usually outdrinking everyone and sometimes even sneaking more in when I can... all it does is fool me into thinking that there are NO consequences and that I CAN keep doing this over and over.

But when I drink by myself, it gets so much incredibly darker. I've drank everywhere, in any situation, and have always still been able to function. And I hide it so incredibly well when I drink by myself. All I ever want to do is reach that incredible state of feeling wasted. It's almost like a sacred feeling for me. I got so used to feeling it 3, 4, 5, or 6 times per week. I can't even estimate the amount of times I've drank myself to the point of throwing up. Way too many too count.

And I never thought there would be any consequences. All my mind wants is that fantasy-like sensation again, where all of my depression and anxiety floats away for a few hours. I started drinking again in August/September and it was darker than ever, I could really tell that it was going down a path that was worse than ever before.

now I KNOW that I have a problem. Quit date was October 7th and I've really been able to keep it up. But it is very stressful, especially when dealing with depression and anxiety. All my mind wants is that escape again. I constantly feel like I just need a break, and alcohol has always been that soothing escape for me. I feel lucky enough to have identified my problem before it got even worse.

Happy Thanksgiving
I wish the best to you. You have to understand for at least for the first couple months that you're going through withdrawal and you're probably going to feel shitty. Meanwhile, I think being off long term, you will probably want to find some ways to replace that "escape" that alcohol provided. Exercise, meditation, etc.

I know somebody who is addicted to pain pills, but is in great shape, leads an active life, runs a company, etc. Seems like some people are able to be highly functioning on substances. Don't know how they do it.
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Old 12-07-2015, 11:45 AM   #58
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Thank you guys. I'd do medicate, excersize, etc. Doing those helps. In piecing my life back together, alcoholism really does explain a LOT of my depression/anxiety. Recently, the times where I've been the most depressed were times where I was depriving myself of booze.

I constantly feel this knot in the pit of my stomach, what I've realized is that the knot is telling me to drink. Since that's the way I've ALWAYS lifted myself away from feeling bad. My diet has changed MANY times over the past year. Both good and bad. Right now I recognize I need a ton of coffee/soda/snacks/ice cream etc just to keep myself away from whiskey or beer. I had 3 cigars yesterday because I just needed something.

But I do have to give myself props for catching this problem. Something about depression and anxiety being my main problems didn't fit with who I am. Of course, they've manifested because of the alcoholism... I'm just glad I caught it because I was about to go down a very, VERY dangerous road with booze and God knows what else. But these are tough days.
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Old 12-07-2015, 06:25 PM   #59
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Thank you guys. I'd do medicate, excersize, etc. Doing those helps. In piecing my life back together, alcoholism really does explain a LOT of my depression/anxiety. Recently, the times where I've been the most depressed were times where I was depriving myself of booze.

I constantly feel this knot in the pit of my stomach, what I've realized is that the knot is telling me to drink. Since that's the way I've ALWAYS lifted myself away from feeling bad. My diet has changed MANY times over the past year. Both good and bad. Right now I recognize I need a ton of coffee/soda/snacks/ice cream etc just to keep myself away from whiskey or beer. I had 3 cigars yesterday because I just needed something.

But I do have to give myself props for catching this problem. Something about depression and anxiety being my main problems didn't fit with who I am. Of course, they've manifested because of the alcoholism... I'm just glad I caught it because I was about to go down a very, VERY dangerous road with booze and God knows what else. But these are tough days.

We're here for you bro
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Old 12-07-2015, 07:00 PM   #60
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Yep. Waking up every single day to clean up an unknown mess from yesterday is just a shitty shitty way to live. No reason to keep living that way
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