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Old 01-18-2015, 02:48 PM   #21
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I'm just going to offer this:
I've been married 12 years now, and we've been happy for the vast majority of that, even through most of this difficult past year. The only times we've ever had serious issues were when I kept something from her that she deserved to know that later blew up. It's hard, but if you really love this girl and want her to stick around, you've got to be honest with her. Tell her what a hard time you're having and that you're having trouble dealing with it. If she loves you, she's not going to take off on you because you're going through something.

Just my $.02 from experience.
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Old 01-18-2015, 03:44 PM   #22
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I've been reading this thread, but I'll finally dip my toes in the water here, try to offer perspective on a few things.

Malakas, hang in there buddy. You will be ok. Try to maintain the presence to understand that whatever you're feeling/thinking at any time is not necessarily "you", it's just what you're feeling/thinking at that time, you can observe it without making it your identity (I'm trying to explain a concept of mindfulness, but it's hard, for me at least, to explain something like that). It's good that you're seeking professional help, keep that up, and take it a day at a time.

mjf, your story is definitely interesting and glad you've pulled through. I can certainly relate to an extent.

I dealt with substance abuse myself, and it really blew up on me when I decided to quit, ironically, mainly b/c I did it too abruptly rather than tapering off. I suffered some resulting anxiety/depression that it took a while to dig out of.

Also, as someone who's been married for over 20 years to the woman I met when were both 18 years old, I agree with the last couple of posts about being completely forthright and honest with your girlfriend. Any successful relationship must have that foundation.

I guess that's enough babble for now...
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Old 01-19-2015, 09:13 AM   #23
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I feel for everyone here. I had depression from the time I was 11 til I was 18-19 and lost 100 pounds basically.

When I was 11-12, cant remember the exact age, I was sitting downstairs watching cartoons right before church waiting for everyone to get ready. My dad came storming down the stairs and my mom followed and said something along the lines of "Well if you dont care anymore just have all your stuff gone by the time we get home". His response fucked me up for years.. "Ok." And he left.

I still have issues with my dad, most of which I honestly never want to deal with. I just have a great blueprint of how never to treat my girls.

Being overweight for years was a true killer. I had anxiety out the ass and everyone thought I was making shit up. I had to drop out of school because I couldnt go to classes and stuff. When I would be in the middle of class my throat would start to close up, I'd feel like I was going to puke and just knew I had to get out of there. I still deal with anxiety like that today, just on a lesser scale, and being 15 (damn!) years older I know how to handle it better.


The one thing I can say to you man, find what makes you happy and do it ALOT. Theres something that makes you happy. Disc golf, working out, playing video games, whatever it may be. Also try to get out, go ride your bike. Be active. Exercise is the greatest cure for depression. Oh and get some pussy. I had sex at a younger age, I was 15, but the chick wasnt my girlfriend and wasnt looking for that. It wasnt til I was 17-18 and met a chick online, who I met at a Dave concert and got a girlfriend. Then I quit with that shit, got a job, lost 50 or so pounds and at 21 was dating an extremely fucking sexy 17 year old. My confidence soared. You just have to find what makes you happy. I'm not with that 17 year old any more, I married my best friend and shes fucking amazing, but everyone along the way taught me something.


Theres alot of jumbled shit in that paragraph, but sometimes life is a jumbled mess lol.
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Old 01-19-2015, 04:26 PM   #24
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Yes, good advice. Get plenty of pussy and exercise, Malakas!
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Old 01-19-2015, 05:31 PM   #25
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Yes, good advice. Get plenty of pussy and exercise, Malakas!
I would also throw pizza in there.
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Old 01-19-2015, 06:13 PM   #26
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Yeah, the key to my early sobriety was unholy amounts of masturbation, good pizza, vag not looking for a boyfriend, and a hobby (besides masturbating)
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Old 01-23-2015, 05:55 PM   #27
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This thread will be reserved for anyone who is going through a hard time/depressed/anxious or just plain upset about something going on in their life.

I'm not sure if this is a cry for help or if I just can't deal with things anymore, but I can't keep the fake faces going any longer. I know I speak to you guys almost everyday and that we do not interact with each other in our personal lives (well, except for a few people here), so I figured it couldn't hurt to open up.

Going through everything in detail is going to take a lot (it's a long story and I'm not yet feeling courageous enough), but I just wanted to take the first step and begin the dialogue with admitting that I have a few major problems. I'm at my lowest point in life. I do a wonderful job of faking it both in real life and on here, but I'm just losing that strength as each day goes by.

I'll open up slowly, but it really comes down to OCD (germaphobia), anxiety, depression, anger, ADD, and severe confidence issues. To counteract all this, I have been self-medicating and seeing doctors (therapist, psychiatrist, and primary care physician).

I'll leave it open now for anyone else, if they want to explain any issues that they are going through. Maybe we can help each other out.

Thanks everyone.
I'm with ya. Don't ever feel bad about telling people how you feel. It's important. Your friends and family want to help you.

I've been through all this for years. I was hospitalized and placed on suicide watch when I was in college (big part of why I never graduated).

I've been doing good for a while now, but ever since my Grandpa died last month I've been having constant anxiety and lots of days where I just sit in the dark by myself. It sucks but since my friends and family know my history they are there for me.
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Old 02-04-2015, 08:07 PM   #28
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Hey everyone. I know that I disappeared from this thread two weeks ago. I guess I was avoiding it because it was painful, but I'm back in here now and I'm going to read more comments and suggestions. Thank you again for all of the advice. It really means a lot.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:24 AM   #29
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How is everyone doing? MaLaKaS?

I finally realized I needed a lot of help a few months ago. I think depression was something I had been hiding and carrying internally for years and years but I was never able to acknowledge it. So I got extremely good at hiding it, until I reached a point this summer where I couldn't hide it anymore... I couldn't keep faking it and hurting myself all the time. There were some really scary and dark things going on.

So while the past few months have been especially sucky, I'm glad I reached a point where I realized I needed help. Therapy is so beneficial. I quickly came to terms with the fact that I have some serious substance abuse tendencies with alcohol and tobacco, so I've been working away from both of those things.

I hope everyone else is doing well. It makes me feel safer knowing that we're not alone.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:30 AM   #30
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Congratulations, Sean, and good work.

I finally quit drinking this summer. It was getting ridiculous. I feel a lot better, and go figure, life seems to be looking up.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:44 AM   #31
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Congratulations, Sean, and good work.

I finally quit drinking this summer. It was getting ridiculous. I feel a lot better, and go figure, life seems to be looking up.
Thank you. Things were getting scary, one of them being not being able to find joy in things I normally love. It got to a point where music and working out was all I could enjoy.

It does feel much better being off alcohol. My problem was, and you guys can likely relate, was that I had a very hard time knowing when to stop. I could go from 4 craft beers to 12 of them no problem. So many nights where I'd go out with friends, come home late and just keep drinking by myself. Didn't care how the beer tasted, just went for the ones with the highest abv. My tolerance was ridiculous and I was always drinking to get wasted.
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Old 10-24-2015, 10:59 AM   #32
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Sometimes I find myself living just for the little things lifer has to offer.

But yeah, you can't shake a stick at therapy, especially with someone you get along with. Just know your boundaries and have patience. Most of being around is about waiting anyway.
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:24 PM   #33
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Thank you. Things were getting scary, one of them being not being able to find joy in things I normally love. It got to a point where music and working out was all I could enjoy. It does feel much better being off alcohol. My problem was, and you guys can likely relate, was that I had a very hard time knowing when to stop. I could go from 4 craft beers to 12 of them no problem. So many nights where I'd go out with friends, come home late and just keep drinking by myself. Didn't care how the beer tasted, just went for the ones with the highest abv. My tolerance was ridiculous and I was always drinking to get wasted.
That was me. And it was spilling into work and pretty much everything. Not good. Time to stop.
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Old 10-24-2015, 12:25 PM   #34
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Y'all doing a program or white knuckling it?
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Old 10-24-2015, 04:29 PM   #35
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Y'all doing a program or white knuckling it?
Neither, actually. I didn't have a dependency, so it wasn't hard to quit once i realized there was a growing problem.
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Old 10-24-2015, 04:48 PM   #36
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Meetings for me. And some white knucklin'
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Old 10-24-2015, 06:33 PM   #37
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Cool good luck y'all!
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Old 10-28-2015, 11:48 PM   #38
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My clean date is April 13 2002. The na fellowship has kept me clean and given me a life I could never have imagined.

Thanks for all your stories. It's good to know that not all dmb fans are the wasted stoned folks I see at shows.
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Old 11-04-2015, 02:02 AM   #39
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I have faced anxiety/depression personally. Actually, everybody has, but I've faced it at the levels you guys have been talking about. Unfortunately, the common wisdom and resources out there are quite bad. Therapists mainly use psychotherapy, an approach that focuses on weekly visits forever and digging into your past to see what "broke." This keeps people stuck for decades.

Things started to change for me when I saw a hypnotherapist. One of the first things she asked me to do was to make a goal for the next 6 months. She said a reasonable goal could be not having to coming back.

Later that year I embarked on the most difficult thing I have done in my life: a 10 day meditation retreat. I did this because I knew I had to try everything possible to get better. After 10 days of learning how to meditate, when it was finally over, I felt awesome.

I had learned a meditation technique known as Vipassana. It is meditation technique wherein you scan your body, trying to notice sensations in the area you're scanning. Senations might be air moving, tingling, etc. However, you must observe the sensation without judging it, purely observe it. The interesting thing here is that anxiety/depression are also body sensations. By learning to observe these sensations without judging, they eventually go away. For me, I started feeling better immediately. However that in and of itself is judgement.

Anyway, if you are interested in doing this go to dhamma.org to sign up. The 10 day retreat is free food included, but they ask that you donate money or volunteer to serve (cook, clean) on a future retreat.
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Old 11-04-2015, 01:52 PM   #40
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I had learned a meditation technique known as Vipassana. It is meditation technique wherein you scan your body, trying to notice sensations in the area you're scanning. Senations might be air moving, tingling, etc. However, you must observe the sensation without judging it, purely observe it. The interesting thing here is that anxiety/depression are also body sensations. By learning to observe these sensations without judging, they eventually go away. For me, I started feeling better immediately. However that in and of itself is judgement.
Good stuff, Tamby. I've been meditating on a regular basis for about 9 months now. Different technique (mantra), but what you say in the bold is so key-- for both feelings as you said, and also thoughts. I used to get too involved with every thought that passed through my mind, thinking I always had to work through them all in some way, and ended up ruminating a lot, telling myself some things over and over, and getting lost in my head. My wife and kids noticed. Meditation has really helped. Just like you said, the right approach (in meditation and everyday life) is to just observe your thoughts with a detached indifference, without getting involved with them, and staying present. Same with emotions/body sensations like you said, rather than identifying with it, be the observer of it. Meditation really has improved my calmness, my presence, my sleep, etc. Glad to see you've had a good experience with it as well
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