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Old 12-02-2013, 11:02 AM   #1
ThememanXX
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TDC Marriage, Homeownership & Family Thread

[the first 31 posts here were moved from the "Stuff" thread from yesterday]


Figured I'd mention this in here, since I don't see a family/engagement/wedding thread, haha....buuuuut, got engaged on black Friday: Did it at the Stephen Kellogg show at the World Cafe in Philly. He does a pre show acoustic set of two songs for fan club members....we've talked about using his song [Only registered users can see links.] as a wedding song eventually, so I contacted his management and got him and his band to play the song and set it up for me. Really great moment, intimate too. Only 25 people there before the actual show. She was a mess, haha, in a good way. Had no idea. Luckily for me, there was a pro photographer there just to see the pre-show and she snapped a few shots and sent them to me, as well.

Any wedding planning advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Old 12-02-2013, 11:21 AM   #2
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Congrats, Jason! That's awesome man.

As far as advice, nah, just stay out of her way and let her plan it.
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:28 AM   #3
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Congrats man, thats awesome, will be a great story to tell for sure.

My suggestion though, get married in Jamaica. Thats what I did. Alot less to deal with and you dont hurt anyones feelings when their idea suck. Remember, they will be your inlaws forever lol.
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:41 AM   #4
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Congrats!

We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary last month.

Advice - Use your ipod/phone for music. Don't get a DJ, save the money. Put a reliable family member behind the thing and have fun. By the end of the night we had people randomly going up to the device and picking songs.
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:57 AM   #5
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Thanks guys. All great advice.....keep those ideas/suggestions coming!
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:05 PM   #6
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Congratulations!

Awesome news. Great story for sure, now you'll constantly be having to one-up yourself, here's to setting the bar high! (this coming from a guy who proposed to his wife on the side of the highway)

We got married in Destin, a 'planned elopement' as we've come to call it. Nobody there but my sister, my parents, her parents, and her cousin that is basically her sister as she is an only child. Didn't tell anybody, my sister didn't even know what was going on until we were there and sprung the news on her. We had a reception/party a month later with everyone present.

Congrats again.




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By the end of the night we had people randomly going up to the device and picking songs.
... I remember that!
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:18 PM   #7
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proposed to his wife on the side of the highway
Thanks....haha, and I'm going to need that story!
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:40 PM   #8
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Thanks....haha, and I'm going to need that story!
It was some Saturday evening in June of 2009. She works in the school district and she had to take some educator's exam up in Denton that morning (Denton's about 45min North of Dallas). The thing took like 4 hours and I drove her up there. Had already had the ring and had it hidden under the driver's seat in the car. I remember rummaging through the Barnes & Noble and picking my first Phish album on a lark, Vegas '96, which I listened to in the parking lot waiting for her to finish this test.

Anyway, she wasn't in a good mood when it was all said and done, we drove back to my apartment at the time to get ready for a big date, where I planned on popping the question, but instead she wanted to scrap the idea and just go see a movie. So, naturally, to please her, I had to put the plan on hold. We were driving to the theater and it was like the world didn't want anything to go right for us. There was a huge traffic cluster-fuck on the highway because some wreck had shut down the entire eastbound side of the main highway we use. So we re-routed to go elsewhere, and I kept getting antsy because we too were listening to different songs that we thought would be great wedding songs... I think Peter Gabriel's 'Book of Love' was the one that made me think... "Ah screw it! This is happening right now."

So I whipped the car over onto the shoulder, had her get out and move to the front of the car while I fished out the box from under the seat. Then I got down on my knee and proposed right there on the side of the highway. A few cars threw out some congratulatory honks on their way by, so it made it pretty memorable.

Our wedding photographer in Destin had us go to the sandy median of a road out there to re-enact the thing with her in her dress, put the camera on the 'bulb' setting so that you could see the cars' lights streaked across the frame... turned out to be the coolest picture of the whole event.

Anyway, there's the story.


edit: another fun sidenote... I was wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt when I proposed
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:52 PM   #9
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That's a great story, absolutely memorable, I love it.
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Old 12-02-2013, 02:58 PM   #10
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Congratulations!

I just celebrated my first anniversary in November.

Best advice I can give on wedding planning is to remember that you're just the accessory there for the evening.

Also, I don't know what the dynamic is between your future wife and your future Mother-In-Law, but it's been my experience that most weddings end up being the Mother-In-Law giving her daughter the wedding she never had. Be prepared for friction there and stay the hell out of the way, because you will NEVER win (no matter which side you pick) in that kind of a fight.

Best words to know when wedding planning: "Would that make you happy?"
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:00 PM   #11
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Congrats!

We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary last month.

Advice - Use your ipod/phone for music. Don't get a DJ, save the money. Put a reliable family member behind the thing and have fun. By the end of the night we had people randomly going up to the device and picking songs.
I agree with no DJ -- the overwhelming majority of DJs do more harm then good in song selection.

My wife and I hired a band for our wedding, and it was honestly the best decision we made in the entire planning process. It got a lot more people up and dancing (people will ignore a DJ playing music, but it's harder to ignore a band playing without seeming rude) and generally made the night even more special.

I think a good band is worth every penny you spend.
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:15 PM   #12
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Best words to know when wedding planning: "Would that make you happy?"
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I agree with no DJ -- the overwhelming majority of DJs do more harm then good in song selection.

I think a good band is worth every penny you spend.
Yes and Yes!

I'm very amicable when it comes to wedding stuff, but would like to at least seem like I want to help, hence the need for advice.... haha.
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:15 PM   #13
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Congrats, Jason! She agreed to marry you even though the soundtrack of your life has been the entire live DMB catalog?

I'm working on building a stronger financial infrastructure before I ask my lady. All she's ever wanted to do is be a mom and after some duo-travelling early on I don't want her to have to wait any longer to start a family than she wants to.

Drummerkrf: you have to be around my age (24); how long have you two been together? (Also, would've done the same thing in your position)
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:28 PM   #14
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Congrats, Jason! She agreed to marry you even though the soundtrack of your life has been the entire live DMB catalog?

I'm working on building a stronger financial infrastructure before I ask my lady. All she's ever wanted to do is be a mom and after some duo-travelling early on I don't want her to have to wait any longer to start a family than she wants to.

Drummerkrf: you have to be around my age (24); how long have you two been together? (Also, would've done the same thing in your position)

Close enough, 27. It was 4 years on September 5th.

So, if you're doing the math, we were only engaged for all of 2 1/2 months tops, but we knew each other well. We dated in high school and then I broke it off and was the resident asshole in the hallways our senior year, after 5 years of not saying a damn word to each other we met up again at ggies wedding...
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:37 PM   #15
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Congrats, Jason! She agreed to marry you even though the soundtrack of your life has been the entire live DMB catalog?

I'm working on building a stronger financial infrastructure before I ask my lady. All she's ever wanted to do is be a mom and after some duo-travelling early on I don't want her to have to wait any longer to start a family than she wants to.

Drummerkrf: you have to be around my age (24); how long have you two been together? (Also, would've done the same thing in your position)
Yeah, she doesn't mind (read: tolerates) it.....it's astounding. Also, I thought about a "stronger financial infrastructure", but you're never ever going to have enough money....I'd say go for it (then again, I'm 28 and not 24, so things were entirely different with me 4 years ago....other than starting that whole 're-listen' thing, lol)
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:49 PM   #16
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Yes and Yes!

I'm very amicable when it comes to wedding stuff, but would like to at least seem like I want to help, hence the need for advice.... haha.
I've found that the best way to "help" is to go along on things like venue searches, cake tastings, flower shops, etc. When a woman asks for help on wedding planning, she doesn't want you to make decisions (usually), she just wants you to validate decisions that she's already made. Your goal, thus, is to help her understand what she wants as opposed to making decisions for her or with her.

The other big thing I learned with the process is that more time does not make any of this easier. I'm a big proponent of getting the earliest possible date that works for everyone rather than having lengthy engagements. Wedding planning is stressful, and the sooner you can be done with it and on with your lives, the better IMO.
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:57 PM   #17
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Yes... to all.

It was arguing over the guest list that got us to just say 'fuck it let's go to Destin'.

So we did.
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Old 12-02-2013, 04:00 PM   #18
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Yeah, she doesn't mind (read: tolerates) it.....it's astounding. Also, I thought about a "stronger financial infrastructure", but you're never ever going to have enough money....I'd say go for it (then again, I'm 28 and not 24, so things were entirely different with me 4 years ago....other than starting that whole 're-listen' thing, lol)
Right? I dont make nearly what Im worth yet (it isnt TERRIBLE) but I guess that's what you get for a great college education and stepping into a field where you're more qualified than your jaded long-time counterparts. As a result I play/take a lot of my own contractual gigs. Still want to be a bit better setup to get a marriage off the ground. ALLLMOST out from under my debt to the state for a stupid mistake
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Old 12-02-2013, 04:07 PM   #19
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It was arguing over the guest list that got us to just say 'fuck it let's go to Destin'.
I think this is the biggest problem of all for a wedding. At the end, I just threw up my hands and said "fuck it" and let her do what she wanted. They were paying for the wedding, so it they wanted to invite lots of family, so be it. It's quite a tricky process.
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Old 12-02-2013, 04:47 PM   #20
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I agree with Matt... we had a band at our wedding and it was great. Then again, there were no iPods, etc. back then

My only real advice to Jason, and all you fuckers, and I know it sounds corny, but just enjoy, and really be present in, every moment. It all flies by so fast. In the blink of an eye you'll be married almost 20 years, with 4 kids, like me
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