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Old 12-08-2018, 09:34 PM   #1
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Your Parents' Relationship to You and DMB

Between Feathered going to and taping some shows with his dad, and me think about my mom after posting about Veil in the Montreal thread (I've copied and pasted below), I want to hear about how your parents have been involved with you and DMB. Positive or negative, big or small, or whatever.

No real connection with my dad, only when I was too poor to have gone to 80 concerts at that point in my life, he asked me many times what I could be doing with that money. Didn't understand that I wouldn't exactly have saved it in a Scrooge McDuck vault had I not spent it on DMB tickets.

I have a soft spot for Ladies on Veil (as long as it stays innocently succinct). This was really the only thing DMB related that my mom connected with. The weekend after Listener came out, I picked her up from Detroit where she was visiting her dad. No memory at all of how she got there. On the drive home she humored me by listening to it with me. She loved it and asked me to play it often. Funny thing is, I think she always thought #40 was part of the song, because I started there every time she asked for it.
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Old 12-08-2018, 09:44 PM   #2
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That’s great, if only Dave would make #40 an intro to various songs.

My dad loved #41 when I first played it for him and to this day, it’s his favorite. He took me to my first show (18 years ago today) when I was a Sophomore in HS and was elated when they played it. When I started going to shows by myself, I’d call him whenever it was played and let him hear a bit of it.
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Old 12-08-2018, 10:08 PM   #3
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Well since I was shouted out I guess I'll join in on the sharing.

DMB is really heavily associated with my family. My Mom has never been nearly as crazy for them but has always really appreciated them as artists and dealt with not only a Jersey show in 03 but also Central Park a month later with me. She was a vocal coach for some Broadway performers when I was growing up and has been commenting on everything I've sent her lately regarding how much more vocal support Dave has this year. I actually got a chance to talk to Raab at Albany for a few minutes after Here on Out and made a point to tell him that she was blown away by how much more he was using his lungs instead of his throat / not straining. I think it actually caught him off guard a bit based on the expression he gave me but we had a decent chat and it was a nice way for me to bring my mom into the experience of one of my favorite times being at a show.

My dad loves them and I'm pretty sure has melted his Central Park DVD at this point because of watching it so many times. Some of my favorite concert experiences have been with that guy and those are the memories I'll always carry with me when he's gone. From my first D&T show with him, to him being so excited about Central Park that he waited all day so we could be up close (also sitting on the lawn with him watching the soundcheck the day before the show was an experience and a half), that crazy 11/30/12 show where they did an actual "Album" setlist, all the way to us getting Captain and Cortez at MSG N2... some shows are just special because of who you are with and what a single moment means to you. He saw warren come out and slapped me on the shoulder saying "we're getting Cortez aren't we?" with the most excited expression on his face that I will never forget. Also him fighting with the cabbies who are jacking the prices after Jones is a hilarious memory.

The fact that I have parents who "get" it, were super supportive of me being a psycho fan and are legitimately proud that I pulled off taping a show without fucking it all up means the world to me. Whenever we get into dumb fights over stupid shit (which tends to happen a lot since we all live within 20 blocks of each other in NYC) I throw on CP or something that meant a lot to us as a family and tune out the bullshit of the moment. I mean hell, The Batson Demo's leaked when we were on vacation in October and they humored me explaining what a big deal it was and mildly freaking out over it for the entire night/trip to the airport/plane flight home.

I love my parents a lot, thinking of all this got me a bit misty while reflecting on just how deep my connection to this band goes with them. Woof that was longer than I expected it to be.
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Old 12-08-2018, 10:10 PM   #4
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No connection at all b/w DMB and my parents, but seeing a Dad and his daughter (maybe 11 or 12 years old?) at the show in Boston last night made me hope that someday my kids would want to go see a show with me.
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Old 12-08-2018, 10:27 PM   #5
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my mom likes "crush".
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Old 12-08-2018, 10:52 PM   #6
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My parents think I’m nuts for going to so many shows and I’m pretty sure they thought I was doing something illegal back in the b&p days.

I do force my kids to listen to them in the car and hope they’ll want to go to a show with me one day.
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Old 12-08-2018, 11:03 PM   #7
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My Dad and I were driving back from the beach in the fall of 95. I had talked him into letting me listen to a tape from a 94 show. I just remeber him saying something to the effect " why the hell is there a bear and why did he think his head was candy, and the bear ate his head? What the hell is this crap?" We promptly went back to listening to the 4 tops and the beach boys. I was about 16 or 17 at the time.
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Old 12-08-2018, 11:24 PM   #8
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My parents think Iím nuts for going to so many shows and Iím pretty sure they thought I was doing something illegal back in the b&p days.
My Parents still to this day think I'm doing something vaguely illegal even as my dad was asking me if I needed him to hold anything in my "i stealth tape shit" bag @ MSG N2. Some shit never changes.
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Old 12-09-2018, 12:12 AM   #9
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No connection with my parents re: DMB. My Dad died earlier this year at 83 and my Mom is almost 80. Our thing was more in the late-80ís into 90ís when I was going to a lot of Dead shows and they thought that was crazy.

My older kids (now 22 and 20) have been to a few DMB shows and other concerts with us. My oldest daughter is a legit fan at this point.
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Old 12-09-2018, 12:16 AM   #10
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No connection with my parents re: DMB. My Dad died earlier this year at 83 and my Mom is almost 80. Our thing was more in the late-80ís into 90ís when I was going to a lot of Dead shows and they thought that was crazy.

My older kids (now 22 and 20) have been to a few DMB shows and other concerts with us. My oldest daughter is a legit fan at this point.
I'm sorry to hear about your parents Mitch, mine are in their late 60's and I'm doing the damndest to make the most out of every moment I have with them.

Thats awesome about your kids though, spreading the fandom to the next generation

For what its worth whenever anyone watches my dog they put DMB on to calm her the fuck down because she's a lunatic when I'm away and that puts her right to sleep.
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Old 12-09-2018, 01:11 AM   #11
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I’ve been to dozens of shows with my dad. Including my first show ever when I was 16 years old. I became a diehard in 2002 and missed the Toronto show in spring, and was dying to go to a show by the time the Fall tour was announced. I had been playing so much DMB around the house that year that my dad got pretty into the music too. So on 12/16/02, he let me skip school and we flew 45 min to Rochester, and went to the show. It was also my first concert ever. That night changed my life. And it was my dad’s doing.

Over the past 16 years, we’ve been to about 40+ shows together, of my 100+, including MSG night 2 last week.

My mom has been to a few shows over the years, mainly from 2003-2010. We stopped bringing her because she really has no appreciation for it (or most music in general). She sits the whole time, and sort of likes GiG and WWYS. She’s been a good sport and likes spending the family time but not into the music.
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Old 12-09-2018, 07:42 AM   #12
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Old 12-09-2018, 09:02 AM   #13
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Whenever I watched a DMB tape/DVD in the family room, my dad would wonder how I understood any of the words Dave was singing.

My mom really liked them and always wanted me to make her a copy of some CDs, which I never really ended up doing. Then she went out and bought BTCS on her own and I panicked because I thought she'd flip out if she heard him singing "fuck" on Halloween (which, in hindsight, I realize she probably wouldn't have noticed anyway). I told her she probably wouldn't like that album and made her a mix CD after all

Every now and then, my mom asks how Dave's daughters are doing, as if I know
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Old 12-09-2018, 09:35 AM   #14
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My parents couldn’t give a shit about DMB, but one of my step-brothers and I were both pretty obsessive in high school and college. I happened to be home on the day that LS originally aired, so we were watching it. At one point my step-mom walked into the room, looked at the tv and said, “Oh, he’s handsome. I’ve always pictured him as a fat mountain man with a big white beard.” That’s literally the only story I can think of that has anything to do with my parents and DMB.
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Old 12-09-2018, 10:07 AM   #15
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Dad took me to one of the three DMB shows I've been to, and had a pretty great time. He really likes Rhyme & Reason. That's about all I've got.
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Old 12-09-2018, 10:37 AM   #16
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Your Parents' Relationship to You and DMB

In 2000, Dad was helping me through my first few tunes on guitar (Doobie Brothers tunes, Blackbird, LIOG). After I’d found a scratched-to-hell Crash CD in the parking lot of one of his properties, he had purchased me a new one for Christmas. We both sort of fell in love with that record together and it took off from there. I had been a drummer first and I saw a picture of Carter with a guitar and thought “yeah, I need to be more versatile, too.”

I will never forget that day in June 2003 when we all sat down for dinner and mom got up and said “I have a surprise for you and your brothers.” She went over to her little kitchen radio and started Too Much. She turned around dancing holding 7.2.03 DMB tickets with a grin on her face - she knew she had scored big. I was 3 years into heavy listening and so shocked and excited I couldn’t say anything. I remember her asking me several times during that show if I was even having any fun. I was just standing there staring at the band all night. I laughed at her suggestion that I wasn’t enjoying myself. It was literally the exact opposite. I was standing 100 feet from Carter Fucking Beauford! And it didn’t seem real that Dave was just standing up there singing in front of me. Despite being concerned that I was corresponding with strangers during the beginning of my B&P days she remained supportive of my DMB addiction and played a massive role in jump-starting my huge financial investment in shows.

My parents have been divorced since ‘95, so these have been separate experiences. Funny side note, they get along just fine now and, sharing some similar friends, have been on group vacations together with their spouses. Mom’s first DMB show was actually her first date with my Stepdad 12.3.96. Life is weird!

So anyhow, mom had taken me to the Palace in ‘03 and pops picked it up in ‘04. None of us had any idea the significance of Alpine or the sheer quality of the show we saw 8.7.04. It should be noted at this point that my brothers were picking up on DMB (my youngest brother has actually now seen 2 more shows than I have). Mom isn’t as big on the concert scene as the rest of us, so DMB became a yearly tradition with dad, eventually bringing along friends and making a weekend of it. When we were old enough, a good friend of mine from school and I started doing Deer Creek every year. On top of that, Dad would call and suggest additional shows and we’d make a big caravan of it, traveling all over the place and seeing a lot of different venues. Even my Aunt has been to 3 shows with us. Her first one was hilarious: Dave came out and greeted the crowd and she said “Oh! I thought Dave Matthews was black!”

Pops LOVES Seek Up. His go-to is Gorge ‘02, but he’ll take it in any form. As he likes their jammier nature, I remember him leaning over to me at Alpine 04 after Sugar Will and saying “Well THAT was fucking cool!” I think that may have been the first show I ever downloaded. It’s super fun to see a show with him because he understands what’s happening in the context of the tour and gets excited for the same things we do.

Mom did Detroit with me in Winter ‘05. I think she was too worried about the weather to enjoy herself. Dad has seen over 25 shows now and can certainly hang in setlist/show conversations. I have so many stories about these trips and I will treasure them forever. Mom and Dad could’ve encouraged me to spend my money and time some other way and they never did. They always seemed to understand how important this band is to me.

That sort of culminated in 2016 when Dad sprung a surprise trip to the Gorge on us. We flew out, did the whole weekend, RV, everything. Truly amazing experience. I think we all came over the hill the first night and just stood in silence staring down at the scene, tearing up.

Last week Dad flew out to NY and did MSG with my brother (who was out there already for work). I watched the whole stream and chatted with them throughout. It was really fun and almost felt like I was there with them.

Looking back I’m surprised that my folks have been so supportive of this DMB stuff and pursuing my own music as well. I am truly thankful and have memories of a lifetime that I hope to add to while we still can.

Sorry for this journal entry. I guess it was more for me than for you folks
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Old 12-09-2018, 11:05 AM   #17
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Thanks everyone for sharing. I slept in later today after a sober night than I have in years and had vivid dreams about my mom. It was nice to spend the evening with her company and I know this thread had pretty much everything to do with it.
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Old 12-09-2018, 11:28 AM   #18
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I was going through a really difficult time my senior year of high school. My dad, who never really established a close relationship with me, went out of his way to do something special because he knew how much this band meant to me.

He went out in late February 2001 and bought Everyday for me (despite the fact I already had all of the Napster downloads, even if in the wrong order). He then sat down with me and listened to all of the songs, and then taped the TRL performance so we could watch it together.

Honestly it was one of the coolest things he ever did. He died a few years ago a week before I went to a DMB show here in St. Louis. Dave played a solo The Space Between and I just broke down and cried in my seat. That song still makes me tear up whenever I hear it because of how it represents the time my dad went above and beyond to reach out to me.

That's my story.
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Old 12-09-2018, 11:47 AM   #19
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My parents don’t really care about DMB. My dad took me to a couple shows when I was 14 and 15. But other than that, nah. My brother says DMB sucks
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Old 12-09-2018, 12:02 PM   #20
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My mom liked (and still does) DMB when I first started listening. Her favorite album (and still is) was Remember Two Things and her favorite member aside from Dave is Carter. She would always say watching him play was so joyful. His excitement, smiles and bubble-popping gum chewing made everything seem so effortless. My mom is the one who signed me up for the fan club for a Christmas present in '98. She didn't really understand the whole concept of tape-trading and like Monica's parents, was kind of suspicious actually but none-the-less was still supportive of my passion early on in the mid-late '90s. She's funny because even now, she'll still text me "did you know Boyd is not in DMB anymore?" or "Did you see DMB is coming to Boston". It's cute. I mean she knows that I already know these things but I think sometimes she uses DMB to start a conversation or discussion, which really plays into the music/band sometimes being a catalyst for keeping that close connection to someone.
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