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Old 07-19-2018, 09:24 AM   #141
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So of course the waitress wanders by the front desk to ask me a question. She just bought a dress and wants to know what I think. Shows me a picture and of course I think she'd look great in it. She tells me thanks, she needed a guys opinion. Because she is really trying to impress some guy at a "white tie affair".

Nerve = shattered.
You need a good wingman. Someone who's just going to go out of his way to break the ice for you and be like "hey, you know who would be a good time on an actual date? Wildcats82! Don't be a pussy, get over there and talk to him!"

I've been there, but I think fear of rejection is crushing you. So what's the worst that happens....you say "hey, so there's an art show happening on Sunday and I was wondering if you'd like to go and maybe grab dinner and a drink after?" What's the worst that happens? She says she's not really interested? Ah well....at least you tried, then keep your eyes open for the next opportunity that will certainly come along. You're in a people-facing career....even if it's not a co-worker....how about any locals that come into the hotel bar? Just strike up conversations.....you'd be surprised how well that works.
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:32 AM   #142
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So of course the waitress wanders by the front desk to ask me a question. She just bought a dress and wants to know what I think. Shows me a picture and of course I think she'd look great in it. She tells me thanks, she needed a guys opinion. Because she is really trying to impress some guy at a "white tie affair".

Nerve = shattered. JUST FML.
Personally, i would've responded, "F that guy, you should be going out with me. Let's get together one of these nights."

Don't worry, everything happens for a reason, your going to meet a great girl. Whether it's this waitress or another. I got faith in you.
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Old 07-19-2018, 09:40 AM   #143
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Have a meeting on Friday morning with the owner and property manager of the building I've lived in for nearly 20 years. The plan is to redevelop the entire property, meaning I'll have to move probably within a few months. I have limited resources, so hopefully I am offered a nearby place at a similar/reasonable rent. I'm beyond stress, bordering on existential resignation. My aunt in town is going to go with me for moral support.
gweeps, you hang in there buddy. things will work out in time. I don't like the sound of "existential resignation." You wanna talk, us TDC'ers are here for you. Fuck, if you wanna hit the road for a bit, come on down to me, we have plenty of room for you here.


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and here is the story of how pathetic I am.
.....
You seem like a genuinely good guy. Put yourself out there a bit more, like Jason said. But damn, pal, we need to get you laid. Either a GoFundMe or a TDC road trip may be in order!
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Old 07-19-2018, 02:25 PM   #144
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Gweeps you ever venture out to CO I got you taken care of.

Hang in there Wildcat.

Mitch whenever I get back out to New York I hope we could work out a Mets game. Nothing in the books, but down the road.
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:28 PM   #145
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Mitch whenever I get back out to New York I hope we could work out a Mets game. Nothing in the books, but down the road.
Next season, TDC meetup to boo the Mets together?
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Old 07-19-2018, 05:00 PM   #146
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I resent the Mets for things that occurred 20 years before I was born.
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Old 07-19-2018, 06:15 PM   #147
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Thanks for the encouragement, guys. Taking my father's advice and trying not to fret that much. May end up being a hard row to hoe, but I'll make it through. Heck, this might end up going smoother than I think, and eventually be a blessing in disguise. I just hope wherever I land will be nearby, affordable and (hopefully) with the same company. Who doesn't yearn for some semblance of consistency in their life?
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Old 07-19-2018, 06:24 PM   #148
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Gweeps you ever venture out to CO I got you taken care of.
Gweeps should take to the road like Kerouac for a TDC tour of the states and visit us all!


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Mitch whenever I get back out to New York I hope we could work out a Mets game. Nothing in the books, but down the road.
you just let me know when, bud

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Next season, TDC meetup to boo the Mets together?
Ill host all you fuckers there, but no booing the Mets

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I resent the Mets for things that occurred 20 years before I was born.
that was the year I was born- in fact, I was born in Flushing in September 69
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Old 07-19-2018, 06:38 PM   #149
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and here is the story of how pathetic I am.

I'm 35. I turn 36 in November. I've never had a girlfriend. I've had exactly one date ever. And she stood me up on the 2nd. Online dating doesn't work. Never met anyone on Tinder. I tried speed dating at Comic Con and got a fake number. I mean for fucks sake we're at comic con, I can assume we have at least one thing in common. Also due to be so constantly rejected that I'm a total chicken when it comes to talking to just about anyone anymore.

With the one exception of the girl that ended up standing me up, I've been rejected by every single person I've ever been interested in. I really don't think I'm attractive, but also I don't think I'm ugly. I happen to think I look quite smashing in a suit. Which is what I wear to work everyday at my hotel.

so ever since I started back in August I've been into a waitress there. Problem is that one of the first times I spoke to her she told me about her boyfriend. Hey no problem. I respect boundaries and have no desire in breaking up a couple. So it's just been friendly since then. No flirting or anything. Just small talk and and what not.

She broke up with her boyfriend. They were living together. She actually went out of her way to tell me she was moving out. All of a sudden she is talking to me more and more.

Note that I am currently broke as fuck. I currently have -$100 in my checking account. Her last boyfriend owned a construction company. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with something like that?

a coworker of mine told me that the rich guy didn't work out, so clearly there is more than that. Just make her laugh and you're gold. And guess what? she laughs everytime I talk to her.

So yesterday I finally had a good day. It was almost like an omen. This will sound so corny. But I was at the plasma center making a few extra bucks and a Ray Lamontagne song came on Pandora that I wasn't familiar with. And it sort of mesermized me. And a few hours later it was announced he was playing here in Louisville. So OMG! Good signs ahead. Then at work I was back in the kitchen with the crew and talking about how bullshit it was that employee appreciation week didn't apply to the night crew and it was bullshit. So 30 minutes later the cook surprised me with an omelette because she knows how much I like them.

Yes before anyone asks, I realize how silly that sounds. But multiple good things happening to me in one day is rare, I considered it an omen.

There is a museum here called the Speed Art Museum. They have a new modern art display borrowed from IU. Free entry on Sunday. I figured this would be a perfect first date (free, fun, and lots of talking). A female coworker agreed that would be a good idea.

So I was waiting for a time where neither I nor the waitress were busy. I can't abandon my post and I can't just stop someone from doing their job to ask them out.

So of course the waitress wanders by the front desk to ask me a question. She just bought a dress and wants to know what I think. Shows me a picture and of course I think she'd look great in it. She tells me thanks, she needed a guys opinion. Because she is really trying to impress some guy at a "white tie affair".

Nerve = shattered. JUST FML.


And before anyone says anything. Yes I realize that my problems are minuscule compared to tons of others. I get it. It still hurts. If I was 17 I'd get over it. But this is just the story of my life.
I remind myself occasionally to enjoy the pleasures in life as they come one at a time. To constantly be pining for something big to drop into my life is useless and nerve-wracking. This positivity doesn't always work, of course. Probably why I need the continuous self-reminder.

The waitress obviously likes you enough to talk about personal things. She probably feels safe around you. Sure, you want more. But be grateful for the apparent honesty she's offering. Or maybe she's assessing your interest?

But ultimately, like the song goes, what will be will be.
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Old 07-19-2018, 10:53 PM   #150
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I kinda need to clarify. This isn't over one person. It's like I was admiring someone from afar and just thought "This is it! this is the one. Do or die!"

it's a never ending cycle thats been going on since I was a kid. It's like I'm only capable of thinking two things. Best case scenario or worst case scenario. There is no inbetween

like this scene is pretty much me

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Old 07-19-2018, 11:02 PM   #151
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Sometimes when I read some of the things people write in here it makes me really want to spend time hanging out with them. Not because I think can fix anything, but because I think it’d be good just to hang out and forget about anything else going on for a while.
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Old 07-19-2018, 11:13 PM   #152
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Welp if you ever want to come to Kentucky I can get ya a good deal on a hotel room and hook you up with some bourbon
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Old 07-19-2018, 11:35 PM   #153
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Also. That really does help. around 9 years ago I was at my worst. Way worse than I am now. Just ready to end it all. I called a suicide hotline. I refused to tell them where I lived. The guy on the phone was just like "look, if you won't tell me where you are, just pick someone else in your contact list. Anyone. I promise it'll help".

I called my bff Brandon. He and his wife came over and just talked to me for a couple of hours. The next day they took me out to the movies and dinner and hung out at their house. Nothing special (we saw Land of the Lost and went to 5 guys, and watched a bunch of Office episodes) but we just hung out. Never once mentioned what happened the night before.

But yes it helped significantly
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Old 07-20-2018, 11:41 AM   #154
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You know, I'm sure you've probably heard this a million times but you need to respect yourself more. I feel like you do at your job, but maybe not in other areas? It's not an easy thing to do, I struggle with it daily, but look in a mirror and know you're a good man who deserves good things in life. If you catch yourself being negative, take a walk, smile and say hello to a stranger in passing. Years ago I read an article about suicide on the golden gate bridge where the guy's note said something like, "I'm going to walk the 2 miles from my apartment to the bridge. If one person says 'hello,' to me I won't jump." No one did, and he jumped. Sounds stupid, but that stuck with me. When you're down it's easy to look at everyone else and think their lives are perfect, but that is far from the truth. Sadly, most people are having a tough time. You need to realize this. That girl may not even have a date with some guy at a white tie affair. She may have made it up to impress you, or for an excuse to talk to you. You never know. People do stupid things and play stupid games. That exact same thing happened to me when I was working at a hotel in college. I looked at it like you are now and let it fuck with me big time, You can look at things in many ways. As human we tend to look at them in a negative light. Try to train yourself to do the opposite and stop beating yourself up over every little thing that you can't control anyway. If you see the light in things you will be forced to have a more positive attitude. A positive attitude will make you a positive person. Women want to be around positive people. Even if it is worst case scenario, dwelling in it doesn't do any good and only puts out a negative vibe for the rest of the world to stay away.

Also, I agree with Gweeps, there is definitely something this girl likes / respects about you. She wouldn't have asked your opinion about the dress if she didn't. Even if she doesn't want to be more than friends, that's a good thing!
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Old 07-20-2018, 11:50 AM   #155
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You know, I'm sure you've probably heard this a million times but you need to respect yourself more. I feel like you do at your job, but maybe not in other areas? It's not an easy thing to do, I struggle with it daily, but look in a mirror and know you're a good man who deserves good things in life. If you catch yourself being negative, take a walk, smile and say hello to a stranger in passing. Years ago I read an article about suicide on the golden gate bridge where the guy's note said something like, "I'm going to walk the 2 miles from my apartment to the bridge. If one person says 'hello,' to me I won't jump." No one did, and he jumped. Sounds stupid, but that stuck with me. When you're down it's easy to look at everyone else and think their lives are perfect, but that is far from the truth. Sadly, most people are having a tough time. You need to realize this. That girl may not even have a date with some guy at a white tie affair. She may have made it up to impress you, or for an excuse to talk to you. You never know. People do stupid things and play stupid games. That exact same thing happened to me when I was working at a hotel in college. I looked at it like you are now and let it fuck with me big time, You can look at things in many ways. As human we tend to look at them in a negative light. Try to train yourself to do the opposite and stop beating yourself up over every little thing that you can't control anyway. If you see the light in things you will be forced to have a more positive attitude. A positive attitude will make you a positive person. Women want to be around positive people. Even if it is worst case scenario, dwelling in it doesn't do any good and only puts out a negative vibe for the rest of the world to stay away.

Also, I agree with Gweeps, there is definitely something this girl likes / respects about you. She wouldn't have asked your opinion about the dress if she didn't. Even if she doesn't want to be more than friends, that's a good thing!
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Old 07-20-2018, 11:53 AM   #156
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You know, I'm sure you've probably heard this a million times but you need to respect yourself more. I feel like you do at your job, but maybe not in other areas? It's not an easy thing to do, I struggle with it daily, but look in a mirror and know you're a good man who deserves good things in life. If you catch yourself being negative, take a walk, smile and say hello to a stranger in passing. Years ago I read an article about suicide on the golden gate bridge where the guy's note said something like, "I'm going to walk the 2 miles from my apartment to the bridge. If one person says 'hello,' to me I won't jump." No one did, and he jumped. Sounds stupid, but that stuck with me. When you're down it's easy to look at everyone else and think their lives are perfect, but that is far from the truth. Sadly, most people are having a tough time. You need to realize this. That girl may not even have a date with some guy at a white tie affair. She may have made it up to impress you, or for an excuse to talk to you. You never know. People do stupid things and play stupid games. That exact same thing happened to me when I was working at a hotel in college. I looked at it like you are now and let it fuck with me big time, You can look at things in many ways. As human we tend to look at them in a negative light. Try to train yourself to do the opposite and stop beating yourself up over every little thing that you can't control anyway. If you see the light in things you will be forced to have a more positive attitude. A positive attitude will make you a positive person. Women want to be around positive people. Even if it is worst case scenario, dwelling in it doesn't do any good and only puts out a negative vibe for the rest of the world to stay away.

Also, I agree with Gweeps, there is definitely something this girl likes / respects about you. She wouldn't have asked your opinion about the dress if she didn't. Even if she doesn't want to be more than friends, that's a good thing!
Jack.

This is your BTCS of posts. This is exactly right. Everyone needs to read this and consider every single point being made because there’s not an ounce of bad or inconsequential advice in here.

Re: going for a walk. For years, I thought Tony Robbins was a hack. The truth was I didn’t know anything about him. Then I watched his Netflix special, and he dropped a quote in there that summarized ALL of my problems and I’m willing to bet just about all of anyone else’s problems, too:

“Stay in your head and you’re dead.”

I work from home. I spend the vast majority of my days pretty much in isolation. I find the longer this persists, the more negative my thinking gets. My body language worsens, my physical and emotional energy nosedives, and subsequently this is what I project to the people around me.

Know what usually helps? A long motherfucking walk. Even when I don’t want to do it. Right through busy parts of town. I’ll stop and force myself to say hi, compliment people, help anywhere I can help, etc. and I always go home feeling better.

My best guess as to why depression is so rampant today is that most of us live online and human-to-human interaction is waning significantly. We’re meant to interact, even if we don’t think we want to. Not all interactions are good, but most are, at a minimum, neutral.

If you stay in your own head all day chances are your isolation will get the best of you. Interact with people, continuously, as if it’s a form of self-therapy, and your mood WILL improve.

If you’re ever curious, Google “how smartphones are making people depressed.” There’s a lot of information out there proving that we’re becoming too isolated and it’s becoming a real, tangible public health issue. Take action for yourself and, really, those around you, by getting out an interacting face-to-face with people, because chances are most people you see are feeling pretty isolated too.
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Old 07-20-2018, 01:32 PM   #157
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Heres the article Jack referenced. I always say this is the best article Ive ever read.

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Old 07-20-2018, 01:56 PM   #158
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There's a documentary film about Golden Gate Bridge jumpers, too.

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That one guy survived btw.

Here's a poem I wrote in 2005, inspired by that article.

Quote:
4

Facing golden sun,
she let the gate swing wide.
It is decision time.
No one smiled to me, she thought.
On the way to my choice.
Why would they?
They dont know you.
Just a 220-foot drop-
bargains for a four second regret.
It wont be painless,
but sleep quickly overshadows that.
So count to ten and choose.


11/6/05
Got my eviction notice this morning. Have to be out by the end of November. No offer right now of a replacement apartment with them. The vacancy rate in Kingston is under 1% right now. Developers keep building condos which are snapped up for people outside the city or those within who have a lot more money to spend. The city also caters greatly to the universities and colleges. But at least I was offered a payment of 4 months worth of rent to help with the move, even if it ends up mostly being swallowed up in first/last.
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:27 PM   #159
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Got my eviction notice this morning. Have to be out by the end of November. No offer right now of a replacement apartment with them. The vacancy rate in Kingston is under 1% right now. Developers keep building condos which are snapped up for people outside the city or those within who have a lot more money to spend. The city also caters greatly to the universities and colleges. But at least I was offered a payment of 4 months worth of rent to help with the move, even if it ends up mostly being swallowed up in first/last.
You've got time.....this could be a great opportunity, as well. Keep us posted on how things go.
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:34 PM   #160
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I just want to add a couple things to the excellent points made by Jack and Josh, and I will try to keep it brief.

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a quote in there that summarized ALL of my problems and I’m willing to bet just about all of anyone else’s problems, too:

“Stay in your head and you’re dead.”
This is SO true. Most people spend their days, their lives, in their heads and being dragged along by whatever internal narratives are running. And there are ways to free yourself from that. Meditation cultivates these qualities in a tremendous way, but I don't want to ramble on about that and lose anyone (I'm still waiting for Malakas to take my meditation advice ). You can get out of your head simply by bringing your awareness to your body and/or, of course, whatever you're experiencing in the present moment.

Also, this conversation also reminds me of this quote from the book Jitterbug Perfume . I shared this with my daughter a couple years ago when she was getting caught up spending too much time/attention on herself and the "issues" she thought she had at the time. I think it hits exactly what Jack and Josh were saying to Wildcats here, too --

Quote:
When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. And you get to take yourself oh so very seriously. Your truly happy people, which is to say, your people who truly like themselves, they don't think about themselves very much. Your unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwellin' on himself and start payin' attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence.
Truly happy people don't spend so much time thinking about themselves and dwelling on shit. They're interacting with the world around them and enjoying their hobbies/pursuits, etc.

So yeah, getting out of your head is HUGE.
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