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Old 07-10-2018, 05:23 PM   #121
ThememanXX
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Hey I’m back. I had step to the aide for a few weeks/month. It’s been really tough, but I’m hanging in. Im actually starting an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) in two weeks. It’s five days/week and will last for a month. I really nervous about it, but I’m remaining hopeful at the same time.

I’m gonna try and stay on here and board with you guys.


Good to hear from you! From everything I’ve seen with IOP, it’s very helpful so long as you keep at it. Keep up the good work.
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Old 07-10-2018, 05:52 PM   #122
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Hey I’m back. I had step to the aide for a few weeks/month. It’s been really tough, but I’m hanging in. Im actually starting an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) in two weeks. It’s five days/week and will last for a month. I really nervous about it, but I’m remaining hopeful at the same time.

I’m gonna try and stay on here and board with you guys.
It's cliche, but one moment at a time is all we get. Keep the hope alive, Chris.
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Old 07-10-2018, 06:38 PM   #123
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Hey Iím back. I had step to the aide for a few weeks/month. Itís been really tough, but Iím hanging in. Im actually starting an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) in two weeks. Itís five days/week and will last for a month. I really nervous about it, but Iím remaining hopeful at the same time.

Iím gonna try and stay on here and board with you guys.
good to hear from you, bud
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Old 07-10-2018, 08:48 PM   #124
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Thanks guys. I really appreciate the kind words. I guess I missed a lot on the DMB side, huh?
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Old 07-10-2018, 09:01 PM   #125
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Thanks guys. I really appreciate the kind words. I guess I missed a lot on the DMB side, huh?


Yeah dude, Can’t Stop is a Jam now.

You’re never allowed to leave again!
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:18 PM   #126
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I’ve not a ton to offer here other than being really, really glad that this thread exists, glad that folks are willing to talk openly about their battle, and wanting to offer well wishes and support to those of you fighting this horrid disease.
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:27 PM   #127
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Having a pretty good day and then just got a quick reminder about how worthless I am and just need to stop trying.
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Old 07-17-2018, 10:48 PM   #128
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Been a pretty rough go at things for the last 7 months or so. I was in a long lasting relationship that ended back in December and I like that has been hanging over my head for months. On top of that I've been struggling with other things in life, school, finding work, money. I'm trying to do the best I can though, but I feel like I've felt more or less extremely cold and alone since Januray.

There's more to so much of this, but I'd figure I'd keep it short. Just been kind of depressed for a while and feel like airing some thoughts.
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Old 07-18-2018, 01:59 AM   #129
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Been a pretty rough go at things for the last 7 months or so. I was in a long lasting relationship that ended back in December and I like that has been hanging over my head for months. On top of that I've been struggling with other things in life, school, finding work, money. I'm trying to do the best I can though, but I feel like I've felt more or less extremely cold and alone since Januray.

There's more to so much of this, but I'd figure I'd keep it short. Just been kind of depressed for a while and feel like airing some thoughts.
Sorry to hear that, buddy. Just keep in mind that everything changes. You havenít always felt as ďdarkĒ as you do now, and you wonít again at some point, maybe even soon.
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Old 07-18-2018, 08:53 AM   #130
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Yeah, the truth is life is pretty cyclical. I know that doesnít help to hear, but itís been my experience.

The last couple months Iíve felt ďoffĒ myself and I donít know why. Not necessarily depressed, but moody and pretty intolerant of people. Itís weird, too, because Iím in a pretty good place overall in terms of my career, location, relationships (single but Iíve never minded being single). Iíve just felt like I really donít want much to do with anyone and kind of found that Iíve been intentionally isolating myself a lot, for God knows what reason.

Feeling a little more like myself the last couple days, but sometimes these things happen and theyíre impossible to explain.
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Old 07-18-2018, 01:00 PM   #131
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I know that I’m starting my IOP this upcoming Monday, but this week has been super rough mentally again. That’s why I’m thinking about driving to Holmdel straight from work and finding tickets for tonight’s DMB show. I need to get the fuck out of here and clear my kind for a few hours.

I’m sorry to hear that you guys are suffering as well. We are all in this together and I’m here to help as well, if that makes sense.
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Old 07-18-2018, 04:29 PM   #132
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You’ve got this, I think it’s really brave that you’re doing an IOP. I’ve had to do similar things in the past and it’s helped far more than when they’ve tried to pump me full of meds. This is the first year in a long time that I’ve actually felt like “myself” again enough to do even basic things like want to log in to places like this that have been parts of my life for as long as I can remember. There’s always a way out and a light at the end, it’s just finding the right way to get there.
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Old 07-18-2018, 05:13 PM   #133
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I just deleted all my social media accounts for the time being. I’m taking time off and going dark
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Old 07-18-2018, 06:00 PM   #134
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That's a good idea. The second I move on from this job I'm doing the same thing. It's just toxic.
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Old 07-18-2018, 06:18 PM   #135
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5 years ago when I changed jobs I made a personal decision that I wouldn’t have anyone from my new place on my social media. It’s not that I ever do much with it but post pictures of my dog and talk about movies and tv shows but I wanted more privacy in my life and for people to not bleed over. Even beyond that I decided I wouldn’t get involved in the social churn of the place at all and would avoid parties etc.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made and it’s let me deal with my demons in private and has helped me not be as uncomfortable at work because they only know me as a guy they work with who makes small talk.
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Old 07-18-2018, 06:35 PM   #136
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Actually I asked my best (and only true) friend once what he’d really know about me if he only knew me from Facebook. He was like ‘well I’d know you REALLY like Dave Matthews Band’
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Old 07-18-2018, 07:33 PM   #137
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Actually I asked my best (and only true) friend once what he’d really know about me if he only knew me from Facebook. He was like ‘well I’d know you REALLY like Dave Matthews Band’


Smart friend! Haha
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Old 07-18-2018, 07:44 PM   #138
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Have a meeting on Friday morning with the owner and property manager of the building I've lived in for nearly 20 years. The plan is to redevelop the entire property, meaning I'll have to move probably within a few months. I have limited resources, so hopefully I am offered a nearby place at a similar/reasonable rent. I'm beyond stress, bordering on existential resignation. My aunt in town is going to go with me for moral support.
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Old 07-18-2018, 10:46 PM   #139
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and here is the story of how pathetic I am.

I'm 35. I turn 36 in November. I've never had a girlfriend. I've had exactly one date ever. And she stood me up on the 2nd. Online dating doesn't work. Never met anyone on Tinder. I tried speed dating at Comic Con and got a fake number. I mean for fucks sake we're at comic con, I can assume we have at least one thing in common. Also due to be so constantly rejected that I'm a total chicken when it comes to talking to just about anyone anymore.

With the one exception of the girl that ended up standing me up, I've been rejected by every single person I've ever been interested in. I really don't think I'm attractive, but also I don't think I'm ugly. I happen to think I look quite smashing in a suit. Which is what I wear to work everyday at my hotel.

so ever since I started back in August I've been into a waitress there. Problem is that one of the first times I spoke to her she told me about her boyfriend. Hey no problem. I respect boundaries and have no desire in breaking up a couple. So it's just been friendly since then. No flirting or anything. Just small talk and and what not.

She broke up with her boyfriend. They were living together. She actually went out of her way to tell me she was moving out. All of a sudden she is talking to me more and more.

Note that I am currently broke as fuck. I currently have -$100 in my checking account. Her last boyfriend owned a construction company. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with something like that?

a coworker of mine told me that the rich guy didn't work out, so clearly there is more than that. Just make her laugh and you're gold. And guess what? she laughs everytime I talk to her.

So yesterday I finally had a good day. It was almost like an omen. This will sound so corny. But I was at the plasma center making a few extra bucks and a Ray Lamontagne song came on Pandora that I wasn't familiar with. And it sort of mesermized me. And a few hours later it was announced he was playing here in Louisville. So OMG! Good signs ahead. Then at work I was back in the kitchen with the crew and talking about how bullshit it was that employee appreciation week didn't apply to the night crew and it was bullshit. So 30 minutes later the cook surprised me with an omelette because she knows how much I like them.

Yes before anyone asks, I realize how silly that sounds. But multiple good things happening to me in one day is rare, I considered it an omen.

There is a museum here called the Speed Art Museum. They have a new modern art display borrowed from IU. Free entry on Sunday. I figured this would be a perfect first date (free, fun, and lots of talking). A female coworker agreed that would be a good idea.

So I was waiting for a time where neither I nor the waitress were busy. I can't abandon my post and I can't just stop someone from doing their job to ask them out.

So of course the waitress wanders by the front desk to ask me a question. She just bought a dress and wants to know what I think. Shows me a picture and of course I think she'd look great in it. She tells me thanks, she needed a guys opinion. Because she is really trying to impress some guy at a "white tie affair".

Nerve = shattered. JUST FML.


And before anyone says anything. Yes I realize that my problems are minuscule compared to tons of others. I get it. It still hurts. If I was 17 I'd get over it. But this is just the story of my life.
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Old 07-19-2018, 01:38 AM   #140
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Have a meeting on Friday morning with the owner and property manager of the building I've lived in for nearly 20 years. The plan is to redevelop the entire property, meaning I'll have to move probably within a few months. I have limited resources, so hopefully I am offered a nearby place at a similar/reasonable rent. I'm beyond stress, bordering on existential resignation. My aunt in town is going to go with me for moral support.
Ugh I am so sorry to hear that gweeps. The building that I had lived in for 6 years (and that my dad has lived in for 12) got bought by a "developer" who wanted to "remodel" everything. My rent tripled (now post renovation my old apartment is listed for only about $500 more than I was paying vs the $1800 increase he was charging me to force me out) and I spent most of January and February having a complete nervous breakdown over the cost/if i had any options to fight/why the hell it was happening to me.

In the end I got my shit together and was able to move to a place fairly close by that was already renovated and is much nicer. Plus it has space for all my tour posters and allowed my pets to move in without issue. I'm paying more, but I have a lot better "additional" stuff in this place and its not a gross shithole that made me depressed to be in because I was living in constant fear of something going horribly wrong. But it was a nightmare I would not wish on anyone and these people who do this are truly evil on every level for the way they treat people.

If you need someone to just yell into a void about this topic I'm your man! You'll get through it, it just sucks a lot.

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Yes before anyone asks, I realize how silly that sounds. But multiple good things happening to me in one day is rare, I considered it an omen.

There is a museum here called the Speed Art Museum. They have a new modern art display borrowed from IU. Free entry on Sunday. I figured this would be a perfect first date (free, fun, and lots of talking). A female coworker agreed that would be a good idea.

So I was waiting for a time where neither I nor the waitress were busy. I can't abandon my post and I can't just stop someone from doing their job to ask them out.

So of course the waitress wanders by the front desk to ask me a question. She just bought a dress and wants to know what I think. Shows me a picture and of course I think she'd look great in it. She tells me thanks, she needed a guys opinion. Because she is really trying to impress some guy at a "white tie affair".

Nerve = shattered. JUST FML.

And before anyone says anything. Yes I realize that my problems are minuscule compared to tons of others. I get it. It still hurts. If I was 17 I'd get over it. But this is just the story of my life.
Honestly its the little things that matter the most. My Jones show yesterday was initially supposed to be with my now ex, it ended up that I told her I was sick of being abused and treated like a doormat (Paying for everything, her not working, her being a massive pothead who smokes morning to night) and it was a whole shitshow. I went with my dad, we had an amazing time together and as we sat in our seats a full rainbow was over the stage. It sat there for a half an hour just shining and it completely turned my mindset around. You have to focus on the omelettes and the rainbows because sometimes those things stack up to show you that you are on the right path.

Nobodies problems are small, everyone has different levels of being able to handle things and what they wish for. I know its corny and dumb but you'll find someone that will love you and you will love them and it wont be a struggle. Maybe since she asked you how it looks it means she values your opinion, it still might be worth a shot to go out on a limb for it if you like her as much as you seem to.

---

On a side-note, a currently ongoing shitty breakup aside I'm doing decent right now... But I really wish I had bothered to log in to this board over the last few years and knew this thread was here. Its weird to think but a lot of you are people I have known for more than half of my life and to have hidden away for so long out of self pity and shame makes me sad.

I guess I just want to say that even though I haven't been around much for a long time I never really left in spirit and I'm here for anyone who needs it. I really appreciate everyone here so much more than words can express.
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