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Old 07-20-2018, 03:16 PM   #161
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I don’t believe myself to be experiencing true depression but there is some very solid advice coming out in here today that I appreciate. Likely, these things should be practices everyone should employ.

There have been just a few times in my life where I really felt like I was getting a glimpse into how trapped and hopeless it feels in true depression and it was pretty terrifying. I have a few people close to me who dealt/are dealing with it and I certainly believe it is a real disease. I don’t know if I could add anything more important than what has been said today, but I stand by their advice. I definitely know what it’s like to focus too much on myself and watch that selfishness spread to the other aspects on my life.

You HAVE to get out of your head. We are definitely our own worst critics and most of us are woefully under-qualified critics
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:25 PM   #162
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Wildcats, I am one of the few girls who posts here. A couple observations:

1) this girl may think of you more as a friend, which hey, who can’t use another friend?
2) most girls will not be straight forward and make it obvious they’re into you. So if you’re hell bent on her, whoever said just ask her out and see what happens is right. What’s the worst case? So she says no? Move on.
3) you come off to me as a decent, respectable guy. And as generic as that may sound, it’s hard to find these days. Believe me. I know it’s cliche, but hang in there. You’ll find someone. Put yourself out there as much as you can. It can be uncomfortable, but it gradually gets easier.
4) avoid tinder.

As more of a general comment, no one has it all together. Maybe they project that image via social media or whatever, but everyone’s dealing with something.
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:54 PM   #163
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I gave up on social media accounts a few years ago because I found myself measuring up my own worth against what other people decided to show the world. A lot of it is a facade. That is no way to live life or gauge where you “should be by now.”
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:38 PM   #164
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Also, I can’t be the only one who’s thinking of Always Sunny with all this talk about Wildcats and “the waitress”
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:53 PM   #165
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Ab
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Just so you know, B.B.C. stands for Bitch Be Cool.
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You know what else it stands for though, right?
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You guys are sick.
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Old 07-20-2018, 07:12 PM   #166
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Also, I can’t be the only one who’s thinking of Always Sunny with all this talk about Wildcats and “the waitress”
actually I had typed something up about that but deleted it apparently. Mostly saying "yeah I'm not charlie" and this person is just an example. Not that I'm just crazy in love or anything silly like that.
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:08 PM   #167
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actually I had typed something up about that but deleted it apparently. Mostly saying "yeah I'm not charlie" and this person is just an example. Not that I'm just crazy in love or anything silly like that.
I hear ya, buddy. I wasn’t implying that. Just that we keep referr8ng to “the waitress” you have a crush on
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:44 PM   #168
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BTW thank you all for the kind words. I'm working on this shit. Work being a miserable pit right now isn't helping (we have a full house full of geriatric lawyers that are all assholes)
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Old 07-21-2018, 08:29 AM   #169
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BTW thank you all for the kind words. I'm working on this shit. Work being a miserable pit right now isn't helping (we have a full house full of geriatric lawyers that are all assholes)
I work at a place with a whole gaggle of retired geriatric partners so I feel your pain on that. They're the worst to deal with on a customer service level.
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Old 07-22-2018, 01:43 PM   #170
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Figured I'd give you all an update.

Last night I went down into the bar to return all the glasses people left in the lobby. It was slow when I went down there so hey some free time. I took some advice from my old friend Andy Dufresne and decided I could be busy living or get busy dying.

So i just walked up to her and said "the Speed art museum has a new modern art exhibit, and I was wondering if you'd like to go visit it with me"

She said yes. But then this morning she said she was sick so we have to reschedule. But shit man...
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Old 07-22-2018, 02:28 PM   #171
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She said yes. But then this morning she said she was sick so we have to reschedule. But shit man...

Good stuff, that’s a leap....just gotta keep ripping the band aid off in situations like that.

Still going to go yourself? Sounds like it’d be a good time, even solo.
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Old 07-22-2018, 02:31 PM   #172
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well eventually. It's here until January

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Old 07-22-2018, 04:40 PM   #173
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Good work. That takes balls, man.
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Old 07-22-2018, 05:46 PM   #174
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Also, how alive did you feel in that moment? Jesus, moments like that are the best. Fear, excitement, hope, dread. Natural drug, right there.
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Old 07-22-2018, 07:23 PM   #175
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It felt awesome right then. I felt awesome all night, best mood ever.

From the time I woke up until she texted me was a miserable panic attack. I have anxiety issues and I just thought she was ghosting me. Her texting me just to cancel made me feel better.
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Old 07-22-2018, 08:34 PM   #176
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You know, I'm sure you've probably heard this a million times but you need to respect yourself more. I feel like you do at your job, but maybe not in other areas? It's not an easy thing to do, I struggle with it daily, but look in a mirror and know you're a good man who deserves good things in life. If you catch yourself being negative, take a walk, smile and say hello to a stranger in passing. Years ago I read an article about suicide on the golden gate bridge where the guy's note said something like, "I'm going to walk the 2 miles from my apartment to the bridge. If one person says 'hello,' to me I won't jump." No one did, and he jumped. Sounds stupid, but that stuck with me. When you're down it's easy to look at everyone else and think their lives are perfect, but that is far from the truth. Sadly, most people are having a tough time. You need to realize this. That girl may not even have a date with some guy at a white tie affair. She may have made it up to impress you, or for an excuse to talk to you. You never know. People do stupid things and play stupid games. That exact same thing happened to me when I was working at a hotel in college. I looked at it like you are now and let it fuck with me big time, You can look at things in many ways. As human we tend to look at them in a negative light. Try to train yourself to do the opposite and stop beating yourself up over every little thing that you can't control anyway. If you see the light in things you will be forced to have a more positive attitude. A positive attitude will make you a positive person. Women want to be around positive people. Even if it is worst case scenario, dwelling in it doesn't do any good and only puts out a negative vibe for the rest of the world to stay away.

Also, I agree with Gweeps, there is definitely something this girl likes / respects about you. She wouldn't have asked your opinion about the dress if she didn't. Even if she doesn't want to be more than friends, that's a good thing!

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Jack.

This is your BTCS of posts. This is exactly right. Everyone needs to read this and consider every single point being made because there’s not an ounce of bad or inconsequential advice in here.

Re: going for a walk. For years, I thought Tony Robbins was a hack. The truth was I didn’t know anything about him. Then I watched his Netflix special, and he dropped a quote in there that summarized ALL of my problems and I’m willing to bet just about all of anyone else’s problems, too:

“Stay in your head and you’re dead.”

I work from home. I spend the vast majority of my days pretty much in isolation. I find the longer this persists, the more negative my thinking gets. My body language worsens, my physical and emotional energy nosedives, and subsequently this is what I project to the people around me.

Know what usually helps? A long motherfucking walk. Even when I don’t want to do it. Right through busy parts of town. I’ll stop and force myself to say hi, compliment people, help anywhere I can help, etc. and I always go home feeling better.

My best guess as to why depression is so rampant today is that most of us live online and human-to-human interaction is waning significantly. We’re meant to interact, even if we don’t think we want to. Not all interactions are good, but most are, at a minimum, neutral.

If you stay in your own head all day chances are your isolation will get the best of you. Interact with people, continuously, as if it’s a form of self-therapy, and your mood WILL improve.

If you’re ever curious, Google “how smartphones are making people depressed.” There’s a lot of information out there proving that we’re becoming too isolated and it’s becoming a real, tangible public health issue. Take action for yourself and, really, those around you, by getting out an interacting face-to-face with people, because chances are most people you see are feeling pretty isolated too.
I love both of these posts.

I was on a retreat the summer before my senior year of high school that most of the incoming seniors went on, and the teacher in our small group made a joke at one point after a couple of heavier chats that has always stuck with me: "We're all fucked in the head. Every single one of us is just fucked in the head." But realizing that we all have our shit that we deal with on a daily basis has been a huge help for me. And it's really easy for me to fall into being isolated and, likewise, forcing myself to get outside and be social even if it's just a small bit does wonders.
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Old 07-22-2018, 09:28 PM   #177
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I love both of these posts.

I was on a retreat the summer before my senior year of high school that most of the incoming seniors went on, and the teacher in our small group made a joke at one point after a couple of heavier chats that has always stuck with me: "We're all fucked in the head. Every single one of us is just fucked in the head." But realizing that we all have our shit that we deal with on a daily basis has been a huge help for me. And it's really easy for me to fall into being isolated and, likewise, forcing myself to get outside and be social even if it's just a small bit does wonders.
Reminds me of this character's monologue from Synecdoche, New York, a film every person should watch at least twice.

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Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
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Old 07-24-2018, 11:05 AM   #178
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Old 07-28-2018, 08:06 AM   #179
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I laughed way too hard at my shitty isolating job (alone in an empty office for 15 hours today) just now from that.

Thanks for that. Needed it this week considering I spent most of it covered in bandages and sutures from getting pushed down an escalator on the way to work Monday.

Ups and Downs. Ups and Downs. Just have to try to hold onto the ups for as long as possible.
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Old 07-28-2018, 10:22 AM   #180
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I laughed way too hard at my shitty isolating job (alone in an empty office for 15 hours today) just now from that.

Thanks for that. Needed it this week considering I spent most of it covered in bandages and sutures from getting pushed down an escalator on the way to work Monday.

Ups and Downs. Ups and Downs. Just have to try to hold onto the ups for as long as possible.
Especially on an escalator!


Sorry.
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